... the journal

The Guest
Refrigerator Door

We move to my cousin Donna's (in the circle)   fridge

DG-PIC.jpg (61451 bytes)

She has refrigerator poetry magnets, so a lot of these magnets will be sayings she's made out of the magnets

* Discussion *

Talk about it here.


Deja Dead
Kathy Reichs

(not for the squeamish!)


Mary Queen of Scots

Pictures from the Cincinnati are now up at Steve's Club Photo page.

Pictures from our Family reunion are on my own Club Photo page.

That's it for today!


18 August 2001

A friend told me recently that I should live for today, not worry about tomorrow, and forget about yesterday.

It's funny how people handle different things in their lives. For some, this is the best way to get through the disappointments and the hurts. Concentrate on today. Forget about the pain of yesterday.

I truly understand that. Gilbert was that way. His focus was always on today. He told me when he closed a door, he never looked back. It was important to him to compartmentalize the different parts of his life, to build a wall around his emotions to protect himself from the pain. It was important to him to forget all of yesterday, the good as well as the bad.

I understood his methodology. He had been hurt several times in the past and he was determined he was not going to let himself be hurt again, so it was important to him that he only look forward, and never look back.

I've never been able to do that. There have been times when I got so mired down in "yesterday" that I forgot about "today" entirely. I've always said that when I close a door, I leave it open a crack.

Maybe it's that the hurts haven't been as big. Or maybe it's that the pleasure that precedes the pain was too special to forget.

With the help of this new medication, I'm starting to learn how to live for today. Not worry about tomorrow. But I can't forget about yesterday.  I don't want to forget about yesterday.

Yesterday Paul and David were alive.

Yesterday we laughed without any realization that there was pain ahead for us.

Yesterday the world sparkled, music sounded sweeter, and we loved each other so much.

Yesterday things were fun, everything was a new adventure.

Today Paul and David are dead.

Today we laugh, but there is the pain of loss hiding in the background.

Today the world sparkles sometimes, but never with quite the same intensity. Music is muted. We all love each other, but there is a distance between some of us that can't be crossed.

Today it's possible to have fun and to have adventures, but we'll never all have them together again.

Today is a good day to live for.

But I never ever want to forget yesterday. I want to take yesterday out when I'm feeling lonely, hold it lovingly in my hands and smile because it was such a wonderful time.

Today can be good. Yesterday wasn't always wonderful. But a healthy balance between yesterday and today will carry me through to tomorrow.

One Year Ago:
My Life as a Geek

Some pictures from this journal
can be found at
Club Photo

<-- previous | Journal home | bio | cast | archive | next ->
Bev's Home Page

Created 8/18/01 by Bev Sykes