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Today in My History

2000: A Life in Declarative Sentences
2001: Chewing the Air
2002: Look At Me, I'm Flyyyyying
2003: Over the Rainbow
2004: The Princess in My Motel Room
2005: Twenty Questions
2006:  Going Batty

2007: Dog Days of Summer

2008: Letting My Voice Be Heard
2009:
Socialist Agenda
2010: And So It Begins
2011: Going on 93
2012: Cheers
2013: Just Hangin' in Yalta

2014: There Will Be Blood a Letter
2015: Chacun a son Gout
2016: Now She's 97
2017:  No entry -- at Kaise
2018: Saturday 9
2019: Sunday Stealing
2020: A New Address


Books Read in 2021
 Updated 8/03
"Win" and
"Miracle Cure"
by Harlan Coben...and
"Mr. Monk Goes to
the Firehouse"
by Lee Goldberg


My family

Bev's 65 x 365

Books Read in 2021
Books Read in 2020

Books Read in 2019
Books Read in 2018

Books Read in 2017
Books Read in 2015
Books Read in 2014
Books Read in 2013

Books Read in 2012
Books Read in 2011
Books Read in 2010


Cast (updated 7/16)

Email
(you know how to fix it)
 


Some Background Links:
The Philosophy of Juice & Crackers
The story of Delicate Pooh
The story of the Piņata Group
Pumpkin pies
Who IS this Gilbert person anyway?
Sold!


mail to Walt / mail to Bev  s

THOUGHTS ABOUT MY MOTHER

8 September 2021

Eldervilla had their own party for my mother, with cheesecake, which  was obviously better than that terrible cake I made.  And she seems  to have liked it.

I've been saying for a long time that I really grieved for my mother's "death" when her dementia got so bad she needed to be in the memory unit.  I would leave Atria after a visit and sit in the car and cry, especially on days when she would be angry with me.

But when I got home from Eldervilla after our visit on Monday, I realized that I was very depressed.  Those of you who are on Facebook might be able to watch this video, which is only 30 seconds long, but it is an example of the noises she makes now, every 2-5 minutes, sounding like she's having a bowel movement...but she does it all the time.  It just made me feel so sad. 

I wrote about my depression to a friend, who responded But she had a great life. She was smart and clever and funny. She helped countless people. She loved life. The ending is slow and painful, but of small consequence compared to the whole of her life.

I wrote that this was why I was depressed.  She's not  that person any more.  I always talked with her about my feelings, what I was doing, and everything important and now I can't get her to make eye contact.  And that depresses me.

It surprised me this morning when I checked the Memory People group on Facebook.  This is a .... I don't know if "wonderful" is the right word here ... but it's a group where people dealing with people with memory issues can share their experiences.  The more I read about the things people caring for their parents at home are going through, the more I am so grateful that we found Eldervilla...and that my mother saved many years to pay for her end of life care.  There's no way we could afford $5,000 every month for so many years.

But in Memory People, Rick Phelps, who himself has dementia (diagnosed Early Alzheimer's) wrote about death and what to do when a loved one dies (especially someone who dies young...you don't wonder why a 102 year old dies!).  He wrote

If anything, their death is cause to take a deep breath, to stop, and be really present to what's happening. Gather your thoughts.  Sit at the bedside and just be present to the experience in the room. What's happening for you? What might be happening for them? What other presences are here that might be supporting them on their way?

I was surprised at how that made me cry, thinking about her dying.  So often after we have made a visit I wonder when she is going to die, a little impatient that it is taking so long.  But now I'm thinking about her actually being gone and it's very depressing.

 

PHOTO OF THE DAY

Five years ago
 

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