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Today in My History

2000:  Reno at Dusk
2001:  Ribbons and Flags
2002:  A Little Blue
2003:  What It was was Aussie Rules Football
2004: 
Dog Day Afternoon
2005:  I'd Like to Thank all the Little People

2006: The Soul
2007:  Irritainment
2008: Eww...Gross!
2009:
 Sadie, Sadie, Pretty Lady
2010:  My New Passion
2011:  Don't Touch that Dial!
2012: The Horns of a Dilemma
2013: 
Burned Books

2014: Yesterday at Logos
2015: Sunday Stealing
2016: What the Hell was That?
2017:  The Worst Thing You Can Do
2018:
Shortbread


Theater Reviews
Updated 9/23
"A Stand-Up Guy"

Books Read in 2019
 Updated 7/20
"Play Dead"


Personal Home Page

My family

Books Read in 2019
Books Read in 2018

Books Read in 2017
Books Read in 2016
Books Read in 2015
Books Read in 2014
Books Read in 2013

Books Read in 2012
Books Read in 2011
Books Read in 2010


Blogroll
updated
9/15

Cast
updated 7/16

Email
(you know how to fix it)


Mirror Site for RSS Feed:
Airy Persiflage


Some Background Links:
The Philosophy of Juice & Crackers
The story of Delicate Pooh
The story of the Piņata Group
Pumpkin pies
Who IS this Gilbert person anyway?
Sold!


mail to Walt / mail to Bev  

 

GRIEF AND REMEMBRANCE

27 September 2019

If you have 20 minutes to spare, I highly recommend watching this video.  It's Anderson Cooper and Stephen Colbert discussing grief.  It took place a couple of weeks after Cooper's mother died and Colbert remembers the death of his father and 2 brothers, when Colbert was 10 and how it has affected his life.  It was apparently the first time Colbert had discussed his loss and the whole interview is just wonderful, especially if you like either/both Colbert and Cooper, as I do.

They talked about how when you lose someone you love, you never forget, and it's always with you  Maybe people who haven't experienced it don't realize that.  It's not that you grieve forever, but they become a part of the new person that you are after their death.

I remember after David died, we went to Ireland and stayed with Walt's mother's cousin, Nora, whom we loved dearly.  Our first day she was uncomfortable and said "OK...I'm only going to say this once and I won't mention it again, but I'm so sorry to hear about David."  I think she felt that the fact of her mentioning David would bring fresh grief for us.

I remember years ago when a friend of our kids died and we went to the memorial service. I didn't have a clue what to say to the grieving parents and muttered something that made no sense and then felt regret for years--even to this day--about my inability to know what to say.

After David died, I learned that the people who brought the most comfort were those who talked about him.  "I'm sorry for your loss" is perfectly fine and a wonderful comment of condolence, but David died nearly 25 years ago and yet he's with me every day.  So is Paul.  So is Gilbert, who died more than 30 years ago.  They are just in part of your memory and while you may or may not think of anything concrete about them on a daily basis, they just are

The most comforting things, even this many years later, is sharing memories with someone else.

I recently asked Paul's best friend Kag to send me a photo of a painting he made, which he showed to me a year after Paul died, on the occasion of the dedication of the performing area of a new arcade that was built in town (we are probably the only people who call it "Paul Plaza")  Kag is a design artist.  The painting made me cry and still does. 

It took him a year to make and it is made of hundreds of teeny squares.  It is the story of his life.  The white squares at the top are all the days from his birth to the day he met Paul.  The colored squares are all the days of their friendship and life together.  The black squares at the bottom are the days after Paul's death.

I think it is such a beautiful representation of their friendship and, when you think about it, it is a good way to think of any of our relationship(s) with friends who have left our lives.  In a way it is comforting to have those memories that live with us at all times.

PHOTO OF THE DAY


 

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