Today in My History

2000:  MUST the Show Go On?
2001:  Butt Weary
2002:  "Follow Miss Baggy Butt"
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2004:  Something's Gotta Give
2005:  Unconscious Mutterings
Lunch with Alan Alda
2007 No Joy in Mudville
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2010:  The Skunk Train
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30 July 2019

It had been about two weeks since I was last at Eldervilla and I was feeling guilty, even though I knew she would not have a clue how long it had been.

I told myself it was because of the heat -- over 100 over the weekend.

Last night at 10:30, I had a call from Sandy and I panicked as I picked up the phone.  why else would he be calling me at that hour?  But it was a kind of butt-dial and he hadn't been calling me after all, though let me know  that she was doing fine.

But I needed to see her, and today the temps were only going to be in the high 80s, so it seemed the day to  go.

She was in her room when I got there and, as I expected, she greeted me as if she had just seen me in the other room a few minutes before.  She had no idea it had been two weeks.

But she looked very good.  I think she'd had a haircut and her hair looked better than it has the last few times I've seen her.

I don't ask her any more if she knows who I am.  When questioned by someone else, she tells them I am her sister.

I just saw a news story of a woman celebrating her 110th birthday.  She seemed so alive, so happy.  My mother doesn't even know how to smile when I take her picture and can no longer relate to "being 100."  for the last few years she's been saying that she refuses to be that old, but now it doesn't seem to mean anything to her, not her upcoming birthday, not her upcoming age.  She just makes a nonsense response and moves on.

I knew it was pointless to even mention it to her anyway, but it was something I found out this week that, if she were in her right mind, she would have found interesting.  I checked our flat in San Francisco, where my parents lived for 40 years.   My father was the manager and so they never raised their rent and when they left in 1973, they were only paying $45/month in rent.  They turned around and rented it for $250/month.  Today the place is renting for $4,000.  As I knew it would it did not penetrate and she made some sort of meaningless comment and had no reaction to such a large amount. As I said, I knew ahead of time she would react the way she did, but hope always springs eternal.

I said something about TV and she didn't know what "television" is and says she has never been good at technology.

She talks about the view out her bedroom window, which she likes to look at, but can't connect with anything else.  She's not excited that she'll see Jeri, she's not sure who Ned is.

Oh it's all just fine.  You just listen to what she says and agree with her, whether it makes sense or not.  I remember that when her mother got like this she stopped visiting her and when her sister no longer recognized her, she stopped visiting herI always thought that sad, but I can't not visit her, so I continue to go, but I do sit in the car depressed whenever I leave her.

And then on the drive home, I was listening to a talk show on the radio and a woman who had been at the Garlic Festival in Gilroy when the shooter killed 3 and wounded 12 before being shot himself.  The reporter asked the question that I always hate -- "how did you feel?" but her responses was so heartfelt as she tearfully asked what she is supposed to tell her children about the shooting?  And all the shootings?  She was so intense that it brought me to tears and I found myself crying on the drive home.

the 6 yr old killed in Gilroy

We had a big step forward this morning, when someone came and hauled away our HUGE pile of garbage, which included several pieces of furniture, our 40 year old freezer and lots and lots of "miscellaneous" stuff.

It cost $500 (I think) but it's all gone now...and there is space to move more stuff out there.  Ned says he thinks there will be at least one more garbage removal service before this is all done.




I've wanted a wide-brimmed hat ever since I saw Gone with the Wind
but my head is just too big and every single hat I have tried on over the years
just perches on top of my head like a cartoon.  But today I found this
at Target and could not resist buying it...I wonder if I will ever wear it.

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