Today in My History
The Moving Fingers Write
Nip and Tuck
Caution: Bragging Ahead
So Darn Charming
Make a Wish
Did God Screw Up?
Curled Up with a Good Book
Cousins Day Drop-Ins
Ninety Things about My Mother
The Return of Shiloh
Fell in the Varynyky
Jim and My Father
Books Read in 2017
"I Know a Secret"
Personal Home Page
Books Read in 2017
Books Read in 2016
Books Read in 2015
Books Read in 2014
Books Read in 2013
Books Read in 2012
Books Read in 2011
(you know how to fix it)
Mirror Site for RSS Feed:
Some Background Links:
The Philosophy of Juice & Crackers
The story of Delicate Pooh
The story of the Piņata Group
Who IS this Gilbert person anyway?
Favorite Travel Photos
Things in My Life
7 Days of Meals
mail to Walt
mail to Bev
THE EMPTY VESSEL
(originally published on Airy Persiflage)
5 Sept 2017
As I was going to sleep last night, I was
thinking that somewhere I had read a poem...or
something...about an "empty vessel," as a symbol of a feeling of
emptiness. Of course I couldn't check it out because you need a
COMPUTER to check Google and, once again, I was without a
computer. (checking today, it apparently is used in a religious
connotation, which is not the way I meant it!)
It was that kind of a day and by mid-afternoon I was feeling
like an empty vessel and just...nothing.
So the day started, as it usually does, with my going to the
computer to check e-mail, but I saw a message on my screen that
I had been logged out of whatever page I had been on when I went
to sleep the previous night. I didn't think much about it until
I went to my F drive to get a file and discovered that the
computer did not recognize the F drive. This is what happened
when it didn't recognize the E drive and Steve (the guru) told
me the drive was toast.
I groaned bigly [sic] but was SO glad that if I had now lost ALL
of my files, I had thought to copy the most important ones onto
a flash drive the day before. All that "I am hating my life"
work was not for naught.
I took out the flash drive and plugged it in, but the computer
didn't recognize IT either. What was going on here? Naturally
it was a holiday and Steve was not at work.
I checked and the computer didn't see my iPhone either. And it
told me I was not connected to the internet, but I was
because all of my other devices were using the local connection.
So I gave up on the computer before I ruined anything else, and
I went to the iPad. But iPad was giving me problems too.
Mostly, all of the passwords that it has been keeping in memory
for me were gone. Whenever I went on to ANY page, I had to
re-enter the password, which was very annoying.
The topper was when I went to take a big swig out of the glass
of water that I always have next tome and discovered 2 flies
swimming in it.
The main thing I had to do yesterday was write the Octoroon
review for the Davis paper and I finally realized that what my
computer had become was a glorified word processor and I could
at least WRITE it and PRINT it and take the printed copy to the
paper. Before I did that, I did a test print to make sure the
printer was working, and it wasn't. The computer didn't know I
had a printer, so I decided that it was definitely the COMPUTER
that was the problem, not the external hard drive(s) ... at
least I hope that is what I am going to find.
That was when I began to feel like an empty vessel. I felt like
my mother knowing there was something I was supposed to do, but
not knowing what. Only I knew what I was supposed to do and
couldn't do it. Any of it.
It's hard to explain how I felt. It wasn't even upset at losing
every file that I had (including every photo). All my special
photos are also on Facebook. I care less and less about a lot
of other things I have stored because if I really need some of
them, I can find those on the Internet. But it was just like
someone had reached in and ripped out my guts. I felt like one
of those demented people wandering the halls of Atria looking so
Maybe the main problem was realizing that my mother turns 98 in
2 days. That's a part of it.
I didn't even plug in the laptop. I just didn't care.
(fortunately there was a 48 hour M*A*S*H marathon and I just sat
and stared at it, though I didn't really pay attention to most
But by this morning, I was starting to come back to life again.
I'm waiting for a call from Steve and have once again set up my
faux office on the dining room table--this time with a big fan
blowing cool air on my face, which helps an incredible amount.
And I'm OK for whatever "the duration" is. I have work-arounds
and I know how to use them. Especially a work-around for Funny
the World, which is the thing that starts to fill my vessel up
So, who knows how long I'll be using Airy P, but I HAVE Airy P,