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5 October 2017
It's amazing how quickly all those calm, relaxed feelings can disappear.
I stayed up a long time the night we got home. Walt and I got caught up on a couple of progams and then he went to bed and of course I had to watch Outlander, which I had missed on Saturday. I'm loving this show and I'm so happy that the quality continues now into season 3. Of course I'm impatiently awaiting Claire and Jamie meeting again, but they are doing a good job showing their lives centuries apart. I think they are splitting the season in half and I'm convinced the first half will end with Claire saying "Hi...it's me" (or something like that) and then we will all have to wait for the "good part" for a few months.
Because of staying up so late, I slept late too, waking up somewhere around 9. I lounged around the house for a bit, which was nice but then I couldn't put it off any longer. At 1, I went to Atria.
I could just feel the heaviness descending on me when I pulled into the parking lot...and I hated myself for feeling that way about going to visit my mother.
The feeling was mitigated a bit by two people sitting on two benches outside the door, a woman with her King Charles spaniel and an Italian guy who used to sing whenever he went into the dining room. Both have been there for years and I usually smile at both, but they both greeted me and we chatted a bit. Made me feel good.
Then as I walked down the hall, my favorite waitress, Piyush, from Bangladesh, came out to ask about my mother. It was almost like coming "home" after a long vacation.
I trudged down the long hall to the memory unit and waited for someone to answer the door, which nobody did. I was going to call inside and ask them to open the door, when a workman with the "code" came by and let me in.
I looked in the community room and didn't see my mother, but then I saw this little old lady walking out into the garden. The only way I recognized my mother was by the clothes she was wearing. She really was a little old lady. Her hair was straight and stringy, she was stooped and shuffling her feet, moving slowly, looking not at the plants, but at the ground.
I didn't let her know right away that I was there, but stood and watched her for a few minutes, my heart hurting to see her like that and realizing what she would think if she could see herself.
Eventually I caught up with her and I think she knew she knew me but it took her awhile to realize who I was. I suggested we sit in the garden so I could show her photos of our trip. We sat down on a bench which had cushions that the sun had been shining on. She wasn't really interested in the photos and didn't even ask why Jeri had come to see her, but she said we had to go inside because she was "burning up."
So we went to her room, she settled into her chair and asked me what I'd been doing that was exciting that I hadn't told her about. The same question she always asks. She didn't remember I had just shown her photos of Santa Barbara, but I didn't expect her to.
We discussed how old she is, how she doesn't recognize her room, who is that handsome man in the frame on her dresser (her husband), what I'm doing tonight, am I inviting her? Etc. Same conversation we always have. So the week dissolved and I was back where I was before we left for Santa Barbara
But the difference is that she was agitated when I left and not agitated yesterday, so I was able to leave more comfortably than when I left last week, so that was nice.
I left Atria and drove to Office Max where I bought an external flash drive for my cell phone, to allow me to transfer pictures from the phone to my hard drive. I used to be able to do that by must connecting the phone to the computer, but now it doesn't see the phone any more.
I paid $30 for the drive, brought it home, it needs an app to be downloaded and the app won't download, so I have to figure out what to do about that.
Then I went off to the store to find iron-rich foods, since my doctor says I'm somewhat anemic and she wants me to re-do my blood test in a week. So I now have beans and cream of wheat and "Killer" everything bagels ("Killer" is the label), and pistachios, and spinach
They also had palmiers on sale, half off. I love them. They have no iron at all, but the price was right.
When I got home, I carried two heavy bags in, put one down in the front hall and took the other into the kitchen to unload. I heard sounds from the front hall and when I went to check, Lizzie had managed to eat about 1/3 of the bag of palmiers. Owell...she needs the weight and I don't so I guess it's not such a tragedy.
Walt was doing his bi-weekly "visitation" last night and didn't get home until nearly 10, so we had a late dinner (heated canned beans) and then watched last night's Jeopardy and The Blacklist and then back to bed again.
So, Santa Barbara is a misty dream and life continues. Or as my mother always says "Life goes on whether you want it to or not."
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This is entry #6790