My family

Family Stories Vlog

OLD ACQUAINTANCES

6 Dec 2016

My mother is old. 

I know this because she told me this over and over and over again during our visit today. She was napping when I arrived so I sat down to read until she woke up, which she did quickly.  She woke up moaning, "I'm old, Bev."  She says that a lot but in the whole hour I was there she talked of nothing but how old she is, how old she feels, how she can't be 97 and how in the world did she GET to be 97 because she doesn't want to be old.

The best was when she started to faint again.  I grabbed her before she could hit her head on the table. When she came to, she said, "you know, I don't say this often, and I don't really feel it very often, but today I feel very old."

Poor dear, she doesn't want to die, but she doesn't want to be old either.  She hates old age spots, she hates photos of herself because she has wrinkles.  She especially hates that she sometimes forgets things and hits her head saying "stupid, stupid, stupid."  She does not, of course, realize that she can't remember more than a second or two.  Today an aid brought her a milk shake because she didn't want to go to lunch and before the woman had even left the apartment, she was surprised to see the milkshake and didn't know where it had come from.

So far she always recognizes me, but doesn't necessarily remember that I am her daughter. And that changes over the time I'm there.  Sometimes she knows I'm a relative, sometimes she knows I'm her daughter, sometimes she asks me if I'm her daughter.

I try to remember all of these things because I'm sure this is going to be me one of these days and I really don't want to do this to my kids.  But then, if she could see herself, she would be mortified.

This evening Walt and I went to a Christmas party for volunteers at Logos.  We were greeted by gingerbread men.

This is a party Susan has hosted every year for the volunteers.  She makes a huge vat of pumpkin soup and all the flat surfaces of the living room are covered with little things to eat, and a wine bar set up just inside the front door, along with the gingerbread volunteers.

(The top of the piano contained a vat of shrimp, where Walt and I spent a lot of time!)

The strange thing about this party is that usually all of us work for Logos, but since we work our separate shifts, we may only have met one or two other volunteers.  As usual, my crippling shyness kept me by myself, though I did chat with a couple of people I knew, including Sandy the woman with whom I share Thursdays.

Many of the guests there tonight were members of Friends of the Public Library, the organization which will probably take over the store when Peter and Susan call it quits.  Good deal for them.  It comes furnished with bookshelves and books and many of the current volunteers are going to continue to volunteer.  Except that they also have to take over the rent, it sounds like a win-win situation for all.

I have decided not to continue volunteering for awhile.  In the four years that I have worked for Logos, I have almost never had to cancel at the last minute, but I've had to do so several times this year because of my mother, so I think I'm just going to take time off while she still needs me.

Peter gave a very nice speech thanking the volunteers for all their work, which allowed the store to be such a success. 

He also talked about the transition from Logos to the Friends of the Public Library, and when he was finished there was a hearty toast to Logos and to Peter and Susan.

The crowd was thinning when we got our coats and said our goodbyes.  I will miss this event next year....especially since it's about the only Christmas party we get invited to during the year!