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SUCH A DISAPPOINTMENT
4 September, 2014
I am so incredibly disappointed. In fact, somewhere in the back of my brain, which I have been repressing for a few days now, there is this big ol' bag o'sadness that wants to spill over and cry.
When Peach and Bob moved to Iowa, I was very sad, but realized that it was the best decision she could make. Bob had had a major stroke and at first we didn't think he would make it. But he slowly began to regain some of the faculties he lost. He re-learned to walk, though ultimately with a walker. He learned to speak again, but his short-term memory was gone. He would never be the "old Bob" again, but he would live and he could come close to what he once was.
But this put all the pressure on Peach to make the decisions and do everything that Bob used to do, and deal with Bob's limitations too. Her son (my godson) lived nearby, but he's a guy and you know how guys are about emotional support, especially to their mothers. Their two daughters both lived in Iowa and Peach began to realize that if she moved Bob to Iowa, he could continue his rehabilitation and she would have her girls around to help.
It was the best decision she could have made. They have done well there and now they live in an Atria-like facility where she has been able to make new friends, where Bob has things he can do and where she can get help when she needs it.
Our last Cousins Day was memorable. It was the night the three of us drank much too much. My mother still denies that she could possibly have been drunk. We did a lot of what Cousins Day was always about -- we talked, laughed, cried, and played cards.
And then it was over. That wonderful "thing" the four of us had created when Kathy was still alive and that Peach and I continued after her death was just....over. And Peach, my best family friend for my entire life, was moving half a country away.
She learned that their house was situated near the famous "little brown church in the vale" and she decided that the year after they moved she and Bob would renew their wedding vows in that church. She was thrilled when I said I would fly out there for it. I had been the maid of honor at their wedding, and I couldn't miss their renewal.
But the church said that because they wanted the service conducted by a Catholic priest, it couldn't be held there because they didn't allow other denominations to hold services inside the church.
So there was a disappointment. I had looked forward to visiting them, seeing their house, putting her in her new environment, and being part of the renewal service.
But then a new great grandchild was born back in California. Little Everly, whom we met at the birthday party on Saturday. Peach made plans for them to fly them out here to see the new baby and I started counting the days until they arrived. It would have been almost exactly a year since they left and I was so looking forward to seeing them again.
But then she made the decision to move them out of the house they were renting and into the new facility and an apartment came open about the time they would have flown out here and the trip had to be postponed. But they would come out later, which ultimately was the best decision because Everly is old enough to have a personality and would be more fun to visit.
The plan was that they would stay at a facility which is part of the chain that the place in Iowa belongs to, so they could stay there for free. They had the birthday party for Bob on Saturday and she wanted to come to Davis to visit my mother. She doesn't drive on the freeway, so I was happy to volunteer to get them and take them home again after the visit.
After she got here, she called me and as the two of us talked, it was obviously we desperatey needed a face-to-face, one-to-one and I looked forward to having that chance.
There were so many people at the party and Peach was wonderful about making the rounds and talking to everyone. I didn't try to spend much time with her because I knew I would have my chance later. But as we were leaving she said that things were "complicated" and she didn't know if they could come to Davis at all.
That was the last I heard from her. They are back in Iowa now and she didn't answer my e-mail (no wifi where they were staying) or call to say goodbye. I had about 5 minutes total visiting time with her during their visit here, though we were both in the same place, and I am so very, very, very sad.
I know it's not for lack of wanting, but for having so many close friends who, like me, had longed for their visit, and who lived closer than Davis....and for wanting to spend time with her son, her grandchildren and little Everly. They couldn't afford to give a whole day to coming to Davis.
I don't know when or even if I will see them again. Not in the foreseeable future, anyway. I must plan a trip to Iowa, sometime. But I am so very disappointed that we had no chance to really visit at all on this long-anticipated visit.
Dammit...that big ol' bag o'sadness just started
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Day 66: Nearing the end of the Jeri pictures.
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