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Today in My History

2000:  Giraffes & Monkeys & Bees, Oh My
2001:  Last Day in London
2002:  Wake Up Call
2003:  Gorgeous Gorge
2004:  How Quickly It Goes
2005:  My Exciting Day
Keep Cool, Boy
2007:  Have Microphone, Will Interview

2008:  The Shoe on the Other Foot

High School Musical 2

Books Read in 2009
Updated: 9/17
"The Lost Symbol"

Recipes for Cousins Day Drinks
(updated 7/24/09)


Pup on the Pergo from Bev Sykes on Vimeo.

and on YouTube

Look at these Videos

Sand Animation
Why We Need Universal Health Care

How to Decorate a cake
5 Year Old sings "Folsom Prison"
Shatner reads Palin's farewell speech

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Grandma's 90th Birthday

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Airy Persiflage

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18 September 2009

I woke up this morning with a heavy heart.  I had been putting it off for weeks, but it was finally the day to see my doctor for a long-overdue physical exam. 

For all of my frustration with my mother about her excuses why she doesn't see a doctor and her anger at the suggestion that she might have to take medicine and her cavalier attitude about the medications she's been prescribed, the dirty truth is that I am far worse than she is.  I just don't let anybody know that I think all the things that she actually says.

I've been putting off lab tests for months now because I know that they are going to be bad.  But I finally bit the bullet and had the tests done a couple of weeks ago.  Kaiser e-mails you the results and they were, as I knew they would be, bad.

The doctor's office had been calling me periodically for weeks.   Despite the fact that I stay at home most of the time, somehow I was never here when they called (and if I was here, if I saw it was the doctor's office calling, I let it go to voice mail).  Then somehow I never got around to returning the call.   (That's actually easy to do because the call-back number you get is for the appointment office, not for the doctor's office.)

But finally I just couldn't put it off any more.  I had postponed because of my mother's health (when actually it was only that I was going to the doctor with her ONE day...but that bought me a month).  I postponed because of the trip to Europe, which actually gave me TWO months, since I didn't tell the doctor that I was only going to be gone for two weeks.  And then there were those calls I never returned.

See, the thing is that I never outgrew my childish fear of disapproval.  The very worst thing I can envision is not physical pain, it's fearing someone will be upset with me.  It's bad enough when it's because of something that I can't do anything about, but when it's because of my own actions, that's even worse.

My mother always gets glowing doctor reports and has a witty reparte with her health care providers.  Mine are always pointing out things that I had done wrong or things that I should be doing...that I know I should be doing.

Heck, I stopped going to the dentist for more than twenty years because I knew I wasn't flossing and I couldn't bear to hear my dentist tell me I should floss.   He didn't even have to yell at me; all he had to do was look over his glasses with me, look exasperated, and point out that I should be flossing and would lose my teeth if I didn't.

(Fortunately, Cindy came into my life and cured me of dental fear--and I even floss now.)

But after I had the blood tests done, I finally went to the web site and made an appointment.  The week before the appointment, I went back to the web site and changed it to a couple of weeks later.  This has been going on, now, for several appointments. 

Finally, finally, I had to face the music. 

I got up this morning, took my shower, got the puppies fed, and, resisting the urge to reschedule the appointment yet again, I girded my loins, took a deep breath and drove to the doctor's office.  The appointment was for 10:20 and I arrived at 10:20 on the dot.  I hadn't had any breakfast because, you know, a bowl of cereal would add so much weight and I wanted to be as light as possible.   (bwahahahaha)

"You're quite a bit early," the receptionist said.   "Your appointment isn't until 11:20." 

I told her that was OK because I'd brought a book with me.  I had also planned on getting a mammogram today too, so I could do that to kill time (no appointment needed for a mammogram).

Then the receptionist checked her computer again.   "Actually," she said, "you're very early.  Your appointment is not until tomorrow!"

I don't have a clue where I got the idea that it was today at 10:20.   But it's not until tomorrow.

I did stop and get a mammogram (oh, how I long for the day when they decide that men need to have penograms yearly!!!).  And then I stopped at a nearby restaurant to have a breakfast that I really shouldn't have had--but it gave me an opportunity to sit and read another couple of chapters of Dan Brown's book (I will have finished it by the time I post this entry).

And now I have to do the damn thing all over again.  Go through the tortures of the damned about what the doctor will say, and get to the office on time.   And I still don't know why I had the idea the appointment was for today because it very clearly says, on my desk calendar that it's for tomorrow at 11:20.

Gee...d'ya think that I can claim that all the "bad" things about my health are because I'm losing it mentally?


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Move over, Esther Williams!


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