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CALL ME 'CRUMPET'
6 December 2009
We went to see a very funny play at Capital Stage in Sacramento last night. It's called The Santaland Diaries and is a staged production of David Sedaris' experiences working as an elf in Macy*s Santaland when he first came to New York.
The character is an aspiring actor who has moved to New York and expects to be working on One Life to Live within weeks. He fantasizes about his introduction to the cast and practices acting humble when told he has to get used to being the center of attention.
Instead, desperate for money, and not wanting to stand on the sidewalks handing out leaflets, dressed as a taco or a digital camera, he answers an ad to be a full time elf at Macy*s Santaland.
The verbal diary follows the character through his interview and hiring, his training (during which he is given a copy of "The Elfin Guide"), and his work in Santas House, as the elf "Crumpet." We learn about motivational cheers "Come on you elves, feel good about yourselves! Let's raise the roof!" and that "it hurts the mouth to talk with such merriment."
We get a tour of Santas Village, including vomit corner ("where nauseous children surrender the contents of their stomachs") and learn about high tech parents who force their kids to sit on Santas lap to be photographed, even if theyre screaming in fright.
Big twinge of guilty memories from me during this part of the dialog! In retrospect, why do we do this to our small children? I remember being terrified myself going to see Santa. Why do we take them to a place where we know there is an excellent chance of their crying...or at the very least feeling terrified...and then laugh at their tears and post pictures of our terrified children on our blogs years later. What bad parents we all were! Jeri is 20 months old in that picture--she certainly didn't even know who Santa was much less want to tell him what she wanted for Christmas.
But Christmas is in full swing now. Today and next Saturday they are having Santa at Petco. Today you could get photos of your pets taken for free, next Saturday it will cost and there will be a more professional photographer, which may explain why Walt is today's Santa and a guy who must weigh 350 and who owns his own Santa suit is going to play the part next week!
Walt and I went over with Freddie and Dexter in time to get Walt dressed up for the part by 11 a.m. After some problem locating the suit, the store finally did and Walt suited up, a little disappointed that he had not remembered to wear black shoes!
The suit fit a little better than last year, but he still had problem keeping all the hair in place on his head and around his face, but the pictures started to be taken. I was feeling like I should have called myself Crumpet.
There was no "vomit corner" at Petco, but there was definitely a "pee corner," and the photographer had to keep stopping taking pictures for "cleanup at Santaland," One woman was standing in line very nicely with her dogs, waiting her turn when one of them took a dump on the floor and she casually sauntered off until enough time had passed that someone had come to clean the poop up!
Some dogs got all dressed up for the occasion.
Remember Harry? One of the "Royal Puppies" (Harry, William and Princess)? Harry stopped by with his new Mom. He's named Gus now but seemed to settle very happily onto Walt's lap for a picture and he wagged his tail a lot when I petted him.
Of course I made sure that Dexter and Freddie had their picture taken with Santa too, since we didn't know if they would be returning with us after the day was over or not.
This woman came in looking like a dog walker and I groaned wondering how they were ever going to get a group picture, but in the end they were the best behaved dogs of the day.
When I returned to Petco to pick up my motley crew, there was a guy loading Freddie into a truck. Freddie had found his forever home. They tell me the woman who adopted him has had pit bull mixes before and the guy with her is a trainer, so Freddie's going to have a great home.
That leaves us with only Dex, who is hardly noticeable, as long as you never let him separate from your body ever. I will be able to sleep tonight!
A favor, please. A few people asked about my cousins' baskets and
when they could order. If you did place an order and have not had a reply, can you
please let me know. Peach hasn't received any orders at all and I told her I'd ask.
PHOTO OF THE DAY