Today in My History

2000:  Cattle Call
2001:  There Goes the Neighborhood
2002:  They're baaack
2003:  Crossing I's, Dotting T's
2004:  In the Dark
2005:  Family Reunion
2006:  
Vlogging vs. YouTubing


IN MY OPINION
1776

Books Read in 2007

Updated 8/31:
"Midnight Club"


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Bill's Retirement
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"Different"
Jihad, the Musical
Dick Cheney was Right!
Ordination of Women Priests
Sideshow Bob sings HMS Pinafore

Family Stories Vlog
(updated 8/5/07)


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Ned Turns 40
Bob Turns 70
Bill's Retirement

 

OL' INTERNET POOP

4 September 2007

People are always telling me I should write a book.  I assume they mean a fiction book.  I write terrible fiction.  Abominable fiction.  I like what I write, generally, and even I hate the fiction that I try to write.

The reason why I can't write fiction is that I have absolutely no sense of imagination.  My flights of fancy are of real life things that I remember.  I can't even project "wouldn't it be lovely if this happened" scenarios in my mind for the fun of it.  My brain doesn't work like that.  It would be nice if it would, but it doesn't.

I bring this up because for a very long time now, but especially since I joined Facebook, I've felt like an old internet poop.  A spoilsport.  A wallflower of my own choosing.  (As Ron would put it, hiding behind the potted palm watching the party from a safe distance.)

In the "olden days," back before CompuServe had a graphical interface, when we all just typed yellow letters on a black screen using a great little program called OzWin, I "met" a wonderful group of women.  Most of us are still friends today, even after our time on CompuServe ended and I moved the whole group over to Yahoo.  We are an international group, and would never have met had it not been for the Internet.

We would periodically have live chats, which were always fun.  But also there would periodically be "parties," when we were either all on line at the same time or would send messages under one thread for weeks at a time, things about imaginary places where we were and things we were bringing for party food or playtime activities.  Another group had a weekly chat in the "hot tub," which was the same sort of thing. It was all very silly and everyone seemed to have a good time with it, but because I am an internet poop with zero imagination, I could never get into the spirit of the game and so I rarely participated, and when I did, I felt awkward about it, even though I was the only one who did.  In my desire not to embarrass myself, I stuck out like a sore thumb because I was the only person not jumping in the pool, as it were.

To join Facebook is to invite so much of this silliness that I can't believe the kinds of messages and "invitations" that I receive.

There is something called a "poke."  People are always "poking" me.  I read somewhere that it's like a pickup line in a bar.  Near as I can tell, you get a "poke" and what you do is send a "poke" back again.  Now there is something called a "super poke," so your "poke" can come with photos or what-not.  If someone pokes you, you get an e-mail informing you.  Then you can either accept the poke or ignore the poke.  It results in a lot of e-mail that you've been poked.  Seems pretty stupid to me.  I always ignore them.  Call me a poop!

There are "food fights" where you "throw" various forms of food at someone.  You get an e-mail that tells you someone has thrown a cream pie at you and you have to either accept the cream pie or not, and if you do, then you are supposed to throw some other bit of food at the tosser.  You also are supposed to invite everybody on your "friends" list to join in the food fight.  I always ignore food fights and wouldn't dare subject friends to more mail like this, without knowing how they feel about it.

I also ignore vampire bites, opportunities to be a pirate or zombie or some other character, etc.  I do accept free "drinks," flowers, or "growing" plants (a graphic which changes over 4 days until you find out which graphic has been sent you).

I know that people obviously love this sort of thing because it seems like there is always some new invitation for some new "thing" that comes along.  I enjoy writing messages back and forth with people, or sending photos or videos to people.  I love the Facebook Scrabble application and the jigsaw puzzle application. 

But I just can't get into these imagination activities, because I have zero imagination.  And at age 64, it's unlikely that I am suddenly going to develop one either.

So I'll just wear my "internet poop" crown and stand behind this potted palm, watching the other kids having fun.

PHOTO OF THE DAY

 

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