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This Day in My History

2001:  Reflections of Life
2002: 
Just a Simple School Marm
2003:  To Be Vulnerable
2004:  Secret Love
2005: 
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2006:  Only God Can Make a Tree


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(Updated 12/8
"Tender at the Bone")

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YOU CAN'T GET THERE FROM HERE

12 January 2007

Vacaville is a nice little town (even if its name does translate to "Cow town").  It's about 20 miles from here.  My friend Barb lives there.

I hope I never see it again.

But let me start at the beginning.

I was really dragging this morning.  I'm getting into the routine of up at the crack of dawn, play with puppies, pick up poop, feed puppies, feed big dogs, get ready to leave, drive to San Rafael, see mother, drive home, play with puppies, pick up poop, feed puppies, feed big dogs, feed husband, collapse.  Thank god I told the psychiatrist to find someone to fill in doing transcription until I let him know I'm back in the saddle again.

But I am feeing it.  I shouldn't be feeling it.  It's not that I'm doing anything strenuous.  But I am feeling it.

I stopped at my mother's house, called her, as always, packed up the things she wanted, and went off to the convalescent hospital.  She was sitting in the wheelchair again, but I could see she was tired.  She had gone through physical therapy, which is made more exhausting for her because when she fell she fell on the shoulder she dislocated several years ago and while the shoulder didn't dislocate again, it's very sore, so trying to use her right arm to help with maneuvering around with a walker is really very difficult for her.

My cousin Denise had also been there again, and I know my mother loves her to death, but her energy can be exhausting.  She was also in pain, but didn't want to bother anyone about a pain pill, both because she didn't want to seem like a pest, but also because the Vicodin they have been giving her has made her nauseous and so she isn't eating as much as she should be.

The CNM called Juan to lift my mother into bed.  My mother was angry with herself.  "That young man shouldn't have to lift me, she told me later.  I should be lifting him."  She was angry that she had to ask for help.

Juan left and the CNM and I started arranging the bed.  I raised the head of the bed for her, she was chatting and all of a sudden she just wasn't there.  I had this horrible sense that she had just died, but then her nose twitched.  The CNM shook her shoulder and she opened her eyes, clearly disoriented. 

We reported the black-out, but they don't think there is anything to worry about.  I suspect it was a combination of the pain, the lack of food, and being exhausted.

I stayed for a bit longer, telling her she should take a nap and I'd just read until she woke up, but she is still refusing to be anything but gracious when someone comes to visit her, so I decided that I should just leave.  I have my list of things she wants me to bring to her tomorrow.

It was early enough that I decided to stop at Costco on the way home.  I am looking ahead to when my mother comes home and I move down there for some time and I thought I could get some easily prepared foods for Walt to have on hand.

There are two Costcos between San Rafael and Davis.  The first one is  at the junction of Hwy 680 and I-80 and is the one I am the most familiar with.  I decided to go there. 

I wasn't sure which offramp to take, so took the one that I thought was correct and then had to decide whether to go left or right at the offramp split.  I chose left, which turned out to be wrong, of course.  I had to drive a long way to the next offramp, turn back around and head back to where I thought I could get to Costco, but I couldn't.  I found my self back on the freeway again headed for San Rafael.  I got off, turned around yet again, now knowing for sure what I had done wrong, but I also realized that it was 3:45 p.m. and that by the time I would finish shopping, the freeway would be a parking lot, since the place where 680 merges with 80 is a classic rush hour mess. 

Instead, I decided to go to the Costco in Vacaville.  You see it off in the distance, from the freeway and I took the stop that was right opposite the store.  Only you can't get there from there.  There is no road into the parking lot and you have to drive a couple of blocks from it and make a huge loop back to the other side of the building.

I was fortunate to arrive at a time of day when the huge warehouse was practically deserted and I was able to fill the cart in no time and the line was only 3 people long (unheard of at busy ties)

I bought some $200 worth of food that Walt can cook when I'm not here, and went to check out.  In the "good old days," they would box your purchases for you, but now it just all goes back into the cart the way it went onto the conveyor belt.  I got it all loaded into the car and then had to find the freeway again.

Thinking I knew exactly where I was going, I headed off where I thought I should have come from in the first place, but it only routed me back into town.  I explored the parking lot of the Outback Steak House mall.  I decided I'd go through one of the streets through town.  I'd been there enough surely I could find my way.

I swear I wandered around for 30 minutes just trying to find the damn freeway--which I could see in the distance.  I was hampered by tiny freeway signs which, when I could finally see them, all seemed to want to take me to San Francisco, not the opposite direction.  And it was getting dark, so all the cars coming at me shined the light in my face and I don't do nighttime driving as well any more.  I get disoriented by all the lights.

As I drove around darkened streets that didn't go where I thought they did and tried to find places to turn around where I could get back to where I thought I should be, I was practically in tears.  I was ready to just find a motel and check in until morning when I could see again when off in the distance I spied it.  Shining like a welcome beacon in the night.  A landmark I knew very well...

Once I had my bearings and could head for McDonald's, I knew I would find my way home again.  I was also glad that I hadn't somehow accidentally merged onto the lane heading west because as I passed over the freeway, I could see that traffic in that direction was at a standstill because of an accident.  An ambulance siren was heard in the distance as I began to last leg of the trip home.

I unloaded the groceries and watched Jeopardy while Walt put most of them away.  Then I cooked dinner, but could only eat a small bit of it because I was so tired.  I sat down in front of the TV and was asleep before Grey's Anatomy came on.

The only reason this journal entry is being posted now is that the puppies woke me up at midnight and I decided I'd get it done while they were playing.  But they have long since gone back to sleep, it is 1 a.m. and I'm going back to sleep myself.

Tomorrow is another day on the freeway.
 

PHOTO OF THE DAY

                                                                                                               

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