newlogoJune06.jpg (31063 bytes)

This Day in My History

2000:  Too Damn Hot
2001:  OK--I Lied
2002:  Positively Orgasmic
2003:  Dead Roo in the Middle of the Road

2005:  The Show Must Go On

"Best of Broadway"

Books Read in 2006
(Updated 9/11)



click here to download

click here for flash

Mefeedia Video Archive

My Favorite Video Blogs

Desert Nut

(for others, see Links page)

xml_button.gif (429 bytes)

Look at these videos!

Superman Inflat-o-Suit
Superman Returns
Ocean Symphony
The Importance of being Bilingual
Battle Hymn of the Republic
Freddie Mercury & Montserrat Caballe
Dinosaur terrorizes newscaster

New on My flickr_logo.gif (801 bytes)
Lordy, Lordy

Constitution.jpg (14147 bytes)

Support liberty and justice for all

bombbutton.jpg (19319 bytes)

Cost of the War in Iraq

(JavaScript Error)



19 September 2006

Look.  Nobody has asked me, but I do have the solution to this whole "torture" thing.  Once again, I know what's best for the country and nobody will pay any attention to me.

Forget reinterpreting the Geneva Convention, a document which has served the world well for some 50 years, with presumably no ambiguity at all...but the Man in the White House can't seem to understand it, so he wants to define it, assuming that if the good ol' U.S. of A. redefines it then every country will go "ooooo....never thought of THAT before.  Those Americans are good guys.   We'll follow their interpretation when we talk to American prisoners.   Thanks, George, for defining it for me."

There won't be anybody saying " let me think about this.  THEY get to define "interrogation" the way they want.  Well, we can do the same thing!"

But Americans are good, caring people.  We don't want anybody spelling out the horrible things we are going to do to get phony confessions from people who may be willing to say anything, true or not, to get the pain to stop.

It makes us look bad, you know.  How can we continue to be benevolent dictators if we've got some guys off in a gulag somewhere being tortured?

In addition it puts our own fighting persons in harm's way in future conflicts.

But the Prez is standing at many podia (that's my plural of "podium") and getting all red in the face and all but stomping his feet and holding his breath, threatening to pick up all the toys and lock himself in his room.

"If you guys don't do it my way, well then we just won't ask them any questions and they will blow you up and then you'll be sorry," he says, like a petulant toddler.

We have nothing to fear but fear itself...or an angry blustery president who is determined to have his own way at all costs.

So, I've been giving this thing some thought and I've decided how we can make everybody happy, absolve the United States of all responsibility for cruel and inhumane treatment of prisoners, and still get the information we want.

It's so simple.  So obvious.

We hire Jack Bauer to do all interrogations.

jackbauerisdead.jpg (31015 bytes)

Jack doesn't believe in following rules.   Jack will electrocute, threaten death, blow off a few non-essential digits or limbs, cut major arteries and refuse to give a tournaquet without a confession, but then when the confession comes, he uses it to save the world yet again, and then he disappears and everybody can say "gee--we didn't give him permission to do that."

I finished watching Season 4 of "24" and then discovered that a cable channel is running Season 5, and I had only missed the first two episodes (which I bought from iTunes).  They run two episodes, back to back, on Sunday night.

Tonight I watched Jack, back from his presumed death, interrogate a suspect by threatening to cut his eye out, and actually getting the knife up to his eye socket — all this while being observed by the somewhat befuddled Nixonesque President of the US — and the suspect finally told him what they all wanted to know, of course.

interrogation.jpg (25124 bytes)

The President thanked Jack, told him he could stay on the case until the country was no longer in danger and then it would probably be better if he "disappeared" again.  That's OK with Jack.  He's a patriot.  He just wants to save the world and doesn't care about little things like the Geneva Convention, or accolades or money or anything like that.

Now see?  Wouldn't that solve all the current problems?  The government is innocent of being involved in any torture because Jack doesn't work for CTU any more and apparently doesn't even get paid for what he does (of course it's probably better if Bush doesn't stand there and actually watch him, as President Logan did), Jack always gets the information, and then he disappears before anybody can arrest him, so like those folks on Mission Impossible, the chairman can disavow any knowledge or approval of his actions.

It's surprising how popular shows like "24" and other terribly violent shows are with viewers, like meek, mild-mannered people like me.  I, who wouldn't tear the wings off a fly, no matter how much they're bugging me, can sit here passively watching Jack Bauer's form of interrogation and be secretly glad that he gets results.

But the thought of defining the kinds of torture that the man in the White House wants to spell out turns my blood cold.

It's one thing to torture pretend people on a pretend television program, it's quite another thing to think about our sons and daughters torturing somebody else's son or daughter.  Not only does it change our reputation in the world, but think about what effect it will have on the interrogators, whose job it is to torture to prisoners.  It's hard to return to your 9-5 job at K-Mart after you've been dunking prisoners with a waterboard.



abughraib_dog_torture_430,0.jpg (27453 bytes)

"We're the good guys!"
(I think it was McCain who said that)


powered by


<--previous | next -->

Journal home | bio | cast | archive | links | awardsFlickr | Bev's Home Page




Search WWW Search Funny the World

This is Journal entry #2364