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"I DID NOT HAVE SEXUAL RELATIONS 14 May 2006 As the controversy builds, approaching the opening of The DaVinci Code, it makes me wonder what effect on the world there would have been if the people of Jesus' day had electricity, television, cameras, paparazzi, and 24/7 news.
Someone would probably investigate and discover that there were stepping stones just underneath the surface of the water on the Sea of Galilee. "Walking on water just a stunt," reporter reveals.
Medical examiners from CSI Jerusalem would rush to Bethany to conduct a thorough examination, for the purpose of debunking this "miracle business."
Of course the rumors of an affair with Mary Magdalen would follow him everywhere. He was a healthy, normal man. It's not logical to think that he didn't succumb to temptation. Backed into a corner, Jesus would assure his followers, "I did not have sexual relations with that woman," but still there would be telephoto lenses aimed at him from every camel caravan, behind every olive tree. "After all," the local gossip columnist would say, "she's a known prostitute and he invited her to join him for dinner. Can we really believe that all they did was break pita together?"
The Gospels state that Jesus led three of his apostles - Peter, John the Apostle, and James the Great - to pray at the top of a mountain. Once at the top, Jesus became transfigured, "his face shining like the sun, and his clothes a brilliant white." They claim that Elijah and Moses suddenly appeared with Jesus and talked with him; Matthew and Mark do not say what the conversation was about, but Luke states that it was about Jesus' future death. Once they had spoken with each other, the Gospels state that a bright cloud appeared overhead, and a voice from Heaven proclaimed, "This is my beloved son, in whom I am well pleased," paralleling a similar event during the Baptism of Jesus. Obviously an acid trip. Jesus made a triumphant entry into Jerusalem, riding a donkey and followed by disciples waving palm branches. Undoubtedly the road was also lined with dissidents waving protest signs.
I think that the fuss over The DaVinci Code clearly shows that Christianity may owe its very existence to the absence of the technology that we take for granted today. |
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5/4/06
You
can just bet that there would be an Amazing Randi around with a logical explanation for
the loaves and fishes, showing how there were caterers on the sidelines who were slipping
food into the baskets when nobody could see them, giving the illusion of feeding a
multitude with a handful of loaves and a couple of fish.
There would be an investigation to discover if
Lazarus was really dead when he was put into the tomb, or if perhaps he had been put into
some sort of trance which would wear off in 3 days, just in time for Jesus to claim to
raise him from the dead. 
There would be a scandal after the incident with
the money changers. "Local holy man runs berserk in temple. Sanhedrin
call for steroid investigation." would blare the headlines. What else could
cause the reportedly mild-mannered man of God to run amok?
