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This Day in My History


One should eat to live, not live to eat
~ Moliere

The two biggest sellers in any bookstore are the cookbooks and the diet books.  The cookbooks tell you how to prepare the foods and the diet books tell you how not to eat any of it.
~ Andy Rooney

Yesterday's Entries

2001:  Eye on the World
2002:  This and That
2003:  Super Australia Day Bowl


The Ultimate Weight Loss Solution


The Sopranos
(surprise, surprise)


Grey, but pleasant



27 January 2004

Well, I wasn’t surprised. It was definitely inevitable. It could also have been lots worse.

There was the fish ‘n’ chips that we had at the brew pub before we went to see Two for the Seesaw the other night. It wouldn’t have been much better if we’d managed to get into the fondue place, as we had planned. But fish ‘n’ chips was definitely a baddie and the free soft pretzel they gave us while we were waiting only compounded the felony.

And then there was Eduardo’s visit. When was the last time I’d made chocolate chip cookies? Years. But I knew he loved them...and you can’t make cookies (especially chocolate chip) without eating some dough...or nibbling the ooey-gooey warm cookies as they cool on the rack. These also happened to be the best chocolate chips that I’d made in recent memory and somehow my hand just happens to dip into the container whenever I pass by.

And finally that quiche. I remembered Eduardo going ape over it and eating lots, when he lived with us years ago. I also thought Ned's wife Marta would be staying for dinner and thought that was one of the foods she liked. I figured I was in trouble when she mentioned that she was having her cholesterol tested the next day and was watching her fats...but then she was unable to stay for dinner anyway.

I had vascillated between making one quiche or two, but expecting Eduardo to eat a lot and Marta to be there, I made two. They’re made with real bacon, real swiss cheese, and real heavy cream. I added a bit more cheese and bacon than the recipe called for. These babies were loaded with cholesterol.

Then, Eduardo had one small piece, Marta didn’t show up, and I ended up with lots of quiche left over.

(Have I mentioned that, like chocolate chip cookies, quiche is one of my favorite foods?)

So, after all this sinning this week, with heavy heart, and heavy body, I made my way to Weight Watchers this morning and, not surprisingly, I had gained 3 lbs.

But I was good. I heated up the last of the quiche and gave it to Walt for breakfast and I’m taking most of the rest of the cookies to the office, just leaving a few for Walt to eat.

I am also going to get serious about reading Dr. Phil’s book, since that seems to be helping so many people change their mindset.

I’ve said this before and I’ll probably say it again too often, but I just wish I could get my mind wrapped around the concept that quiche and chocolate chip cookies are not ambrosia.

It’s true that once I’ve "cleansed" my system of all this junk, once I've stuck with an eating plan for a few days, the cravings get washed out of my system, but they’re never completely gone. They can be gone for a very long period of time, but if I slip up once, have a nibble of something chocolate or something at the wrong time of my mental cycle (I’m long past a menstrual cycle, but perhaps I still have mental hormonal swings) then it all comes flooding back in again and it’s like starting from scratch in trying to build up the resistance again.

Don’t tell me that compulsive eating is not similar to alcoholism!!

I’ve had discussions with recovering alcoholics that it’s not true that it’s more difficult to control eating, if you’re a compulsive overeater. That every day an alcoholic makes a choice of what to drink and when to drink it. But a compulsive overeater doesn’t make a daily choice, it’s a choice minute by minute. You have to eat and you are bombarded everywhere with temptations. The problem is that while an alcoholic knows that the temptation is to alcoholic things, a compulsive overeater doesn’t really know what the temptation is. I can go along, week to week, eating fat free strawberry yogurt for my calcium for the day and then one day something clicks and that very same, very safe, very "legal" fat free yogurt becomes a trigger and suddenly one isn’t enough and if there are four cartons in the fridge, I have to have all four of them. One is good. Four is bad.

An alcoholic avoids alcohol. A compulsive overeater has to avoid everything. So far the only food I have found that is not a trigger food for me is celery. Trust me. There isn’t enough celery in the world to make me crave more celery! But I can get carried away with carrots. With zucchini. With kabocha squash. More likely to happen with the likes of quiche and chocolate chip cookies, but I have been known to lose it with squash.

Obviously Dr. Phil is right–you’re not going to cure this thing with eating plans alone. I have to find a way around the mindset that makes me throw caution to the wind and just....EAT.

It makes me so angry with myself that I’ve now been on this program long enough to know that I feel better when I weight less. I like myself when I weigh less. I’m able to do more when I weigh less.  I have more energy when I weigh less.  So if I feel better and like myself more and am able to do more and have more energy, why the hell do I allow food to tempt me like this?

I’ve reached a point where I have to admit that this is more than learning how to eat the right foods. I’m at a point where I admit that I have to find out what’s going on in my head that makes me say "the hell with it – food is more important to me than anything else.

Otherwise, I’m going to be right back where I was two years ago in no time.

(As I was writing the above, I had the TV on and the program I was watching was doing a segment about snack foods to serve for your SuperBowl party.  Swell.)


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First pix from Mars
(thank you, Joan)

For more photos, please visit My Fotolog and My FoodLog

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Weight Lost to date:  43.8 lbs

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Created 1/24/04