Life must be lived forward, but it can only be understood backward.
~ Soren Kirkegaard
MAD and I discussed this quote at length today.
Angels and Demons...this book has reached the "can't put it down" stage (though I do put it down to work and to sleep!)
Breakfast: Kashi GoLean Crunch
Lunch: Salmon sandwich on chibatta bread.
Dinner: Terriyaki Chicken
13 January 2004
I chickened out. I did something I havent done before.
Weight Watchers offers you the option of skipping the weigh in (as long as they get their money, they dont care if you weigh in or not!).
I had been so good this week. I stuck with the diet every single day until "The Day of the Web Site" when I got so frustrated and went and ate compulsively.
The next day we had dinner with friends at a "family style" restaurant where it was just easier to let everybody else do the ordering. There wasnt a dish there that I "should" have eaten, and in addition, I had more than I should have of what was there. I was in "I just dont care" mode.
Monday was OK and back on track, but when I stepped on our scale this morning, the needle went up. I just wasnt up to having another gain put on my Weight Watchers card today, so I took a "pass."
So my work is cut out for me for next week. This whole weight thing is getting to be like the shoulder thing - the first (year for the diet, six months for the shoulder) was ok, but its getting old. Doesnt mean Im going to quit - Im definitely not quitting. I am just going through a slump in dedication again.
Its so nice working with MAD again. This is our third time working together. We first worked together for a small private gynecologists office. When that office closed, she moved to the big ob/gyn office and, for a time, I went back to the typing service, and then got hired by the same ob/gyn office. We worked together there for ten years or more. I hadnt really seen much of her in about five years, but now here we are working again.
Things are quiet in the office this week and we will have a lot of time where its just the two of us together, so we are getting caught up on whats been going on in each others lives in the past five years, whats been going on in our childrens lives in the past five years or so, and comparing notes on our mutual friends and acquaintances.
I will admit that days with Dr. G werent all stressful. There were things I liked about that job. There were things I hated about that job. There were things I tolerated about that job.
But the things that I didnt like the most, though I didnt realize it until I started this job, was that I worked alone.
One of the things I had missed in the five years I was off work and staying at home, was the social connection.
Well, with me being the only employee for Dr. G, that didnt give me much of a social connection. He was always pleasant, even when I wanted to shoot him - a bad temper is not one of his idiosyncrasies. But he was not the sort of person I was ever going to become chummy with.
I liked a lot of the patients and grew very fond of some of them, but at most I would see them once every six weeks, if that. While there was a steady stream of people in and out of the office, that did not invite any sort of "bonds" developing.
If I developed any "bond" there it was with Mrs. Dr. G, whom I grew quite friendly with, but who is now up to her eyeballs in her own career and I doubt that our fragile friendship will survive my no longer being under her nose every day.
So I am finding a whole new joy in having co-workers again. It is especially fun to rediscover MAD in a whole different environment, which is conducive to our relationship blossoming in a way that the pressures of working for an HMO did not always permit.
Shes always been a very supportive person for anyone struggling with difficult life issues and I suspect will be helpful to me as I continue to stumble along this path to "healthy lifestyle." If nothing else, I suspect we will have a lot of time to talk about it and many other subjects in great depth.
PHOTO OF THE DAY
These were growing outside of the Kaiser pharmacy today.
Weight Lost to date: 46.6 lbs