I CAN FEEL IT IN MY BONES

14 March 2003

How intimately do you want to know me?

By the time the new Bone Density Center gets up and running, I am going to have the most photographed spine in the history of medicine.

Dr. G has purchased a DXA (bone density machine), and we are going to branch out into a new area of medicine. He has taken a course to qualify as a certified bone densiometrist, which means that when a bone density image is taken, he is qualified to read it. Since the majority of our patients are in the menopausal or peri-menopausal age range, this is a much needed addition to the office. It will also allow us to offer this service to other people (men and women) in the area. For this reason we have hired a new radiation technologist.

My ol' friend Bob (I knew him about 12 hours) flew in from Florida to install the behmoth of a machine a couple of weeks ago and T, the new radiation technologist (rad tech) has been setting up her work area for the past few days.

Today all the styrofoam pellets had been moved to the garbage, the bubble wrap had been folded in put in my car ('cause I can always use bubble wrap around here), everything has been dusted, polished, and arranged and all that was left was to actually DO a bone density study.

Who else to study, but me--the only other person in the office.

For those who have never had a bone density exam, this is the least invasive medical procedure you'll ever experience. Though it is an x-ray process, you are exposed to less radiation during this study than you are bombarded with just walking around outside. So it's safe.

Unlike an x-ray, there's no cold table/dark room. The technician doesn't hide behind a screen while you're being zapped.

Unlike a mammogram, no body parts are squeezed flat as a pancake.

Unlike an MRI, there is no claustrophobic tunnel to be in.

Unlike a medical exam, you don't need to remove your clothes and put on an embarrassing, uncomfortable paper gown that lets the tail wind blow.

For this procedure you lie flat on a table with your arms at your sides. The only things you remove are your shoes (not sox) and jewelry (if you have something around you neck, you can either remove it or just move it up off of your chest area--I looked like an Indian princess with my oval-shaped opal resting flat against my forehead.

You are lying under this thing that looks like a half-arch (but flat on top instead of rounded). it moves down the table, over your body, bit by bit, photographing each segment of your body as it goes. The end result shows your whole body, both bones and "body mass" (read "fat"), and the computer gives you all sorts of analysis that I can't understand. I did learn, however, that my my left arm is 0.1% larger than my right, and the left part of my trunk is not quite 1% larger than the right. It was somewhat comforting that even with all those rolls of fat (the pictures are taken from the backside, not from the front), I'm only 45% fat...I think that's going in the right direction!

Oh yeah--and, according to the rad tech, I have "great hips." Not a sign of osteoporosis (this is the one area where fat people have it over thin people--it's the skinny ones who are at greater risk of brittle bones...weight bearing is supposed to be good for your bones...my bones are never ever going to be brittle after 60 years of "weight" bearing!

Apparently I will be having at least three more (if not six more--three for each, Dr. G and T) scans, just to make sure the machine is working properly. I'm also lining up friends to get their own free scans, so we give it a good shakedown cruise.