IF THE SHOE FITS, BUY IT

9 March 2003

I am not what you call your fancy dress ball kinda gal. There was a time when I could dress to the 9s when called upon, with fancy doo-dads and high heels and sparkly jewelry and make up and the whole 9 yards. But those days are long since gone.

For one thing, we do not travel in a set where such dress up occasions take place. It's pretty casual. Even going to the theatre is "work" for me (since I'm there to work) and so I don't think about getting all gussied up. I go in my "work clothes."

But even in the years when I did get dolled up, buying shoes was always a problem. Heck, my battle with shoes goes back to my childhood, when my mother tells me I would cry whenever taken into a shoe store. (I actually told this story two years ago)

This is ironic, given that my mother loves shoes. Imelda Marcos she ain't, but she has shoes to match every outfit, it seems. I'm not sure how the shoe-loving gene passed me buy, but it did.

When I stopped working and started having kids, I got rid of shoes altogether, at least while I was at home. I really took the "barefoot and pregnant" to heart. My feet were always black and I built up calluses so thick that they were thicker than the soles of some shoes. It was not a pretty sight.

Maybe it's because shoes rarely feel comfortable on me. By the time a shoe feels OK, it's time to replace it because it's falling apart. I did the pointy toes and 2" tall heels for years and thankfully wised up before I did permanent damage to my feet. I even went through "platform shoe" years (which is silly given that Walt is already shorter than I am!) But I bought the cheapest shoes I could find for years as well and, with the addition of all this excess poundage, walked myself into a very painful case of plantar fasciitis, for which I paid a lovely podiatrist a small fortune to correct.

Part of the correction was adding an orthotic, and a big part of the correction was getting the right shoe. I discovered a wonderful thing: if you pay more money, you really can get comfortable shoes. It's still not easy, though. The barefoot years and the weight have increased my shoe size from a 7½ to a 10½ wide. Try finding that off the rack.

For years I wore only one kind of shoes--black Easy Spirit walkers. It was one of the few shoes that they carried in my size (forget the more stylish Easy Spirits--they won't fit me), but several years ago, they stopped carrying anything larger than a 10--and a 10 just won't do. I feel like Cinderella's ugly stepsister trying to fit into the glass slipper (in this instance a Margarita-sized glass slipper).

I had to move on to a different brand and managed to find SAS which was able to fit me in some comfortable shoes, though their walkers still aren't as comfortable as the Easy Spirits.

One of the advantages of losing weight is that shoes begin to fit better, and I've been able to go without the custom-made orthotic for some time now. I still don't exactly have a large shoe wardrobe, but I do have exercise/biking shoes, walking shoes (which, after 3 years, are finally starting to feel not-uncomfortable), a pair of loafers, and some slippers.

With that limited shoe wardrobe, I was at a loss to know what to do about a fancy dinner I'm attending tonight. This is a fund raiser that Dr. G's wife is organizing. The tickets are very expensive and the money goes to buy new equipment for the hospital. I'm the photographer. My "pay" is to have dinner (she's seated me with the psychiatrist and his wife, which will be nice).

Only problem is that it's a black tie affair and I'm a brown-loafer person.

I discovered that the dress I bought two years ago to watch Steve and Jimmy lose the LA Drama Circle Award for which they'd been nominated, fits me better now than it did then. I thought it would be too lose, but it actually looks OK. The only problem is that without a 6-month-pregnancy-size belly to pooch it out in front, it falls flat to the ground, and is too long. At least when I'm in my bare feet.

What do I wear on my feet with a long black velvet dress? Somehow I didn't think my biking shoes would work.

So today I went off to PayLess Shoes to try to find something that will work. When you can't find 10½ (in either a narrow or wide style), you have to go for 11s. Have you ever tried to find anything remotely stylish in something the size of a small boat? And I had the triple whammie--I was looking for (a) stylish and fancy enough for a black tie event, (b) comfortable, and (c) affordable.

There's the additional little problem that the arthritis in my right big toe is acting up and so I was trying to find a shoe that fit while I was already having foot problems!

I suppose people who go to black tie events don't shop at PayLess Shoes no matter what size they are. Maybe that was my first problem.

Oh, I found some very interesting things. In all sorts of bizarre colors. In all the section, there was only one pair that were even passable and they sorta kinda fit. So I bought them. How wrong could I be for $12.98? Even if I only wear them once. They have the advantage of having no backs to them, so if the feet start throbbing, I can casually slip them off under the table.

With my luck, I won't be able to get them back on again.