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20 June 2003

mirror.JPG (31054 bytes)I passed by the office mirror around 3 p.m. this afternoon and realized how awful I looked. Hair unkempt, looking like death warmed over.

Or maybe that's what I saw because that's how I felt.  (Naturally, I took a picture)

It was just before that point when I'd been on the verge of tears, had developed a headache, and felt totally overwhelmed for the first time since the accident.

I hadn't planned to work 6-1/2 hours today. The plan had been for me to go in for a couple of hours. Dr. G's wife picked me up around quarter to 12, but it hadn't been a good day for her. She had not had much sleep the night before (and she's one of these people who need lots of sleep), and their 4 year old son had had an accident and needed to be taken to the doctor.

When I got to the office, it was obvious how difficult this time had been for her. In addition to trying to come into a job she would never have applied for and take on all responsibilities cold, today she'd also had the injured son staying at the office because she wasn't able to find her babysitter. She obviously needed a break.

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Dr. G was scheduled to fly out for So. California and was he wanted to leave no later than 3:15, so I told her to go on home and he could drive me home.

Only as he began to try to deal with his own desk--which he could now do a bit easier since I was there and knew what I was doing--he began to postpone his flight, until he finally decided to take one of the last flights out instead of an afternoon flight--that meant he could stay till he finished.

Which meant I was stuck there without a ride until he finished.

It's not that I couldn't have walked home, but we're still being a bit careful with my knee and I knew that he wouldn't be happy if I announced I was going to walk 2 miles home.

Besides, I had a ton of things to do that nobody had been able to do because I wasn't there to help out and Dr. G knew nothing about.

But by 3 p.m. I was sore and frustrated from trying to do things one handed. Things that I do so effortlessly--little things, like putting a paperclip on a stack of paper--became major obstacles.

Just trying to sort through a stack of papers became an overwhelming task. Turning from the desk to the computer was a project. Couldn't swivel the chair around because I couldn't bend my knee, so I'd have to get up and move the chair and then rearrange myself, and about then someone would come into the office, which meant I had to turn back around again.

It was all little stuff, but it went on too long and I just wanted to scream. Then I discovered that my paycheck is lost. Dr. G remembers having it and he's sure he put it into a stack of things "to be done" but I can't find it. It's not a major catastrophe because I can get it reissued, but knowing that it's "there somewhere" and that it's a major effort to search the piles just made it that much more frustrating.

It was 6:30 when he dropped me off at home, with counsel to be sure to lie down and prop my leg up, so that's what I've been doing for the past 3 hours and what I will do again as soon as I get this posted.

I probably won't look in a mirror on my way back to the recliner--it might just push me over the edge.


If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.

~Steven Wright

Today's Photo

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This is a statue in the atrium at Kaiser


1, 2, 3 Years Ago

not now...too complicated to set up one-handed

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Created 5/31/03


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