17 June 2003
It's old. It's rusty. It's been sitting in our back yard covered with a disintegrating
blanket for probably 20 years or more. It's an exercise bike that belonged to Walt's
sister which, at one time, I thought I might actually use, but never did.
When I told Walt I wanted to rent an exercise bike, he decided to see if he could
resurrect this old relic--and he has! It actually works, though still rust-covered. I went
out to see if I could get on it and decided I'm not quite ready, but after I've seen the
doctor tomorrow, I'll have a bit better idea when I can start using this--I don't want to
sit here and watch my hard-won leg muscles turn to jelly again.
Then I got email from Shelly & Ellen offering me their unused spare (unrusty)
exercise bike indefinitely, so it appears that the fates will have me back on a bike again
in the foreseeable future--even if the scenery doesn't change much for awhile.
While I was at my mother's, I had a nightmare about my job. I dreamed that I went back
and discovered that the office size had tripled and the walls had been covered with black
stone...it was like walking into a huge cave.
There were patients waiting in the office--all dressed in white. Dr. G was in the back
and I was on my own. The files had all been rearranged and were a mess, with none of the
labels meaning anything. I was trying to get patients in for their exams but they kept
coming, I only had one hand and Dr. G was getting angry because I couldn't work fast
Think this was a meaningful dream??
In fairness, Dr. G has been very sympathetic, given that my accident has put him at
great inconvenience. He's had a couple of blips, but the calls to me began to decrease
today, after a flurry of back to back calls when the office first opened up. I actually
had the chance to take two naps, which I must have needed.
But his plan is to hire a new office manager this week, to start next week. I find I'm
in a weird mental place, already having made that emotional break...eager to have someone
else take over.
I'm trying to do things at home. Everything is a challenge. But I did get the
dishwasher loaded and run--made challenging because I had just purchased a monster size
box of detergent, which takes two hands to hold. Folding clothes is still not easily
done--if I had a sling I might have a bit more mobility. I was able to sweep, but
not to collect into a dustpan.
I'm very nervous about tomorrow's doctor's appointment. I haven't had surgery since I
was 4 and had my tonsils out and I am hoping that somehow, miraculously, this is healing
without the need for surgery...realizing, however, as Jim pointed out to me, that we
are of an age where healing takes a bit longer.
In the meantime, I'm eyeing that exercise bike eagerly, realizing that the day I can
start using it is the day I'll really feel like I'm starting to get better.