HEALING SIGNS

17 June 2003

It's old. It's rusty. It's been sitting in our back yard covered with a disintegrating blanket for probably 20 years or more. It's an exercise bike that belonged to Walt's sister which, at one time, I thought I might actually use, but never did.

When I told Walt I wanted to rent an exercise bike, he decided to see if he could resurrect this old relic--and he has! It actually works, though still rust-covered. I went out to see if I could get on it and decided I'm not quite ready, but after I've seen the doctor tomorrow, I'll have a bit better idea when I can start using this--I don't want to sit here and watch my hard-won leg muscles turn to jelly again.

Then I got email from Shelly & Ellen offering me their unused spare (unrusty) exercise bike indefinitely, so it appears that the fates will have me back on a bike again in the foreseeable future--even if the scenery doesn't change much for awhile.

While I was at my mother's, I had a nightmare about my job. I dreamed that I went back and discovered that the office size had tripled and the walls had been covered with black stone...it was like walking into a huge cave.

There were patients waiting in the office--all dressed in white. Dr. G was in the back and I was on my own. The files had all been rearranged and were a mess, with none of the labels meaning anything. I was trying to get patients in for their exams but they kept coming, I only had one hand and Dr. G was getting angry because I couldn't work fast enough.

Gee.

Think this was a meaningful dream??

In fairness, Dr. G has been very sympathetic, given that my accident has put him at great inconvenience. He's had a couple of blips, but the calls to me began to decrease today, after a flurry of back to back calls when the office first opened up. I actually had the chance to take two naps, which I must have needed.

But his plan is to hire a new office manager this week, to start next week. I find I'm in a weird mental place, already having made that emotional break...eager to have someone else take over.

I'm trying to do things at home. Everything is a challenge. But I did get the dishwasher loaded and run--made challenging because I had just purchased a monster size box of detergent, which takes two hands to hold. Folding clothes is still not easily done--if I had a sling I might have a bit more mobility.  I was able to sweep, but not to collect into a dustpan.

I'm very nervous about tomorrow's doctor's appointment. I haven't had surgery since I was 4 and had my tonsils out and I am hoping that somehow, miraculously, this is healing without the need for surgery...realizing, however, as Jim pointed out to me, that we are of an age where healing takes a bit longer.