7 July 2003
My family is trying to kill me.
Oh they're nice people. On the surface they've done so much to help me with my recovery, but don't let appearances fool you--they're out to kill me.
First there was Jeri's little "sliding foot" trick which landed me on my head in the gutter again. She said it was an accident--and at first I believed her. Now I'm not so sure.
Today Ned tried to kill me.
We were at Tom & Laurel's new house in downtown Santa Barbara. I told Tom I don't think he bought a house, he bought a tree...a gorgeous, fully mature avocado tree that just happened to have a house attached to it.
The family all gathered at the house for a lovely brunch (with lots of avocado slices--and a pile to take home when we left). It was also to be a "non-shower" since we all wanted to give them a wedding shower, but we agreed it was too much for one weekend--so we just all brought presents anyway.
There was a crowd of us--with uncles and aunts and cousins and stuff. We were seated at tables in the back yard and I began to get hot--I was also worried about the effect of too much sun on the still-raw spots on my knee (which are covered with Neosporin, and thus couldn't also be covered with sun block).
I took my Mimosa and went over to sit on the porch, under the cool shade of the avocado tree.
That's when Ned started hurling unripe avocados at me, hitting me squarely on the injured knee.
Oh, like Jeri he feigned innocence. He claims he was just trying to get some avocados off the tree so we could all take some home and that hitting me had been a complete accident.
Yeah. Right. If you say so.
He might also have convinced me of his innocence had we not gone to the theatre in the early evening to see Finding Nemo
We managed to find seats sort of together, six in front and two in back. Walt's sister, her s.o., and his mother sat with me in the front-most row, with empty seats between us and two empty seats behind us. When the others came, Tom and Laurel decided to sit farther back, so there was an empty seat in our row.
I had been using that empty space to stick my leg out and rest it on the bar in front of me.
For some reason, Walt decided to join us, only instead of walking out of his row and walking into ours, he decided to vault over the seat, using my sore shoulder as a brace, and landing awkwardly on my bad knee.
My family wants to kill me, no matter how innocent and caring they look.
So far Tom hasn't tried to do me in yet, but we will be here another day and I'm not letting down my guard until we actually leave town.