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2 July 2003

The WeightWatchers meeting today was on motivation and whether we are motivated by things we're trying to get away from (looking fat, bad health, no energy), or things we're going towards (healthy, more energy, able to fit into clothes, etc.) Sometimes it's a subtle distinction, but it ends up being a glass-half-full / glass-half-empty sort of thing. If you're getting away from the bad stuff, then when you have gotten away from it, it's more difficult to stay there. If you're going towards, then being there contributes to the goal you've set for yourself, so you're more apt to work toward staying there.

Our leader talked about how she's managed to keep off 100 lbs for 12 years, how it wasn't a straight shot and it had detours on her journey, but she finds that she has come to peace with her body. She talked about the parts of her life that had been in "pieces," both emotionally and physically and how she didn't want to get back to that place again, feeling fragmented, struggling with the kinds of turmoils that we here life before she was able to achieve this inner peace.

(Sounds like a cult, doesn't it....?)

The woman sitting next to me, when asked what roadblocks we'd encountered, could have been telling my story. She said that when she started it was for the purpose of getting healthy and she wasn't ruled by the scale, but that as the months have passed, the numbers on the scale have meant more and more to her and as her weight loss has slowed down, she finds herself frustrated by the ups and downs from week to week. She says she needs to focus on a month, rather than a week, and that is what keeps her going.

I remember when I started this program--it wasn't the pounds lost that mattered to me. It was getting healthier...and I did that. I reduced my cholesterol, I didn't have to go on diabetic medication, I increased my energy, added exercise.

When I first started, I didn't bother with taking my shoes off when I weighed. The numbers didn't matter, sticking with the program mattered, getting healthy mattered.

I don't know when I succumbed to the scale. The first day I removed my shoes to weigh.

But over the months, the scale has taken on a bigger role, so much so that I sometimes lose sight of why I started this in the first place--to get healthier, to fit in a seat on that plane I'm taking in two months, to feel better about myself.

So when the scale went up one pound today, the immediate feeling was discouragement. I've been bouncing around the same weight for it seems like forever. It was decidedly a "glass half empty" kind of day.

But when I think about it, my cholesterol is still down. I'm still diet-controlled with my diabetes. And most importantly, I've taken off more than 60 lbs and have kept it off for a year. I've never done that before. Yes, there is more to take off, but right now losing big chunks of weight is difficult, what with having less control over the food in the house, and having no possibility of exercise for awhile.

Suddenly the glass became half full again. Maybe I won't quite reach the goal weight I'd hoped to reach by September, but I've achieved a goal of sorts and I'm heading in the direction of more such goals, no matter what the scale says.

I still struggle with "pieces" vs. "peace," but I think that I have more "peaceful" days than "piece-full" days, and that's a nice place to be.

I'm dropping the odometer readings.  I probably won't be back on a bike again until I get home from Australia and Jeri, who arrives tonight for a month's vacation, will be using my bike, so there doesn't seem to be any point in continuing to keep it.

Also, in a health-update, 3 days of keeping off my feet as much as possible have definitely had an effect.  The knee still isn't "normal" but it's significantly better than it has been--I am encouraged.  Life is good!

There also won't be a weight update next week, as we will be en route home from Santa Barbara on weigh-in day.


Somehow we learn who we really are and then live with that decision.

~ Eleanor Roosevelt

Today's Photo

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A peaceful garden

1, 2, 3 Years Ago

not now...too complicated to set up one-handed

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Pounds Lost: 61.8
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Created 6/27/03


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