STASIS and CHAOS

25 April 2003

One of the definitions of stasis is "slowing; stoppage; stable state."

I'm in stasis.

I have to admit I'm a little disappointed. I didn't expect to be slipping into size 10s after a month at Curves, but after all the hype, I had expected to see some progress. I was jazzed by the tale of a woman who lost these incredible inches in her first six weeks. The promise is that you work out 3 times a week, but have "more dramatic results" if you work out more. I've been going 5-6 times a week (they close on Sunday). The training is that results are more dramatic if you work harder, work up a sweat. I've been sweating like a pig.

I was also guardedly optimistic when I did my own measurements a few days ago and noticed some nice, albeit small loss in all areas, and an unbelievable 3 inches in my thighs--which I just knew couldn't be right.

So with all of that, I was gung ho for my measuring day at Curves (they measure once a month). The real day is the 25th, but I'll be flying off to Houston at 4 a.m. tomorrow, and I don't think they're going to want to open just to measure me at 3:30.

So she started the first measurements.

Bust 48. OK. That was the same as last month, but I haven't been exercising my bust and wasn't surprised to see that there was no change there.

Moving down. Waist 46. Huh? That's what it was last month. No change??? And so it went...Abdomen 53. Exactly the same. Hips 55 (that's half an inch BIGGER).

Then what I was waiting for--those slim thighs. 28.25. To the tenth of an inch, the same as it was last time.

From head to toe there has been absolutely no change. Weight stayed the same. The weigher looked sympathetic. "Maybe you should think about changing your diet," she offered, helpfully.

"I'm on Weight Watchers," I said to her. She shrugged. Maybe next month will be better, she said encouragingly.

I did my workout, but was disappointed. I'd have settled for half an inch...anywhere, and I did get half an inch, but UP half an inch. Not fair! I've been--I thought literally--exercising my butt off, and there it remains, firmly (ok--yes, operative word here is "firmly," not "jiggily") in place at the same size.

So the weight is now going only down in infinitesimal increments. The inches are staying put. I think they call this a plateau. And I think they call this a "danger moment." But at times like this, I fall back on the reason why I started this--health. I'm sure that my HEART is better (even if my blood pressure also stubbornly refuses to get into an acceptable range).

Not fair, folks!!!

Not only can't I lose weight or inches any more, but I can't seem to do anything right. I will spare you the details, because they will lose so much in the telling, but suffice to say that I made what first looked like a horrible mistake which resulted in some rather embarrassing banking problems and necessitated a trip to the bank and a long intimate tete-a-tete with a lovely bank lady named Carol. After a couple of phone calls, a conference with the manager, and lots of manipulation on the computer, we got that settled (we thought) only to discover, after I returned to the office and received a FAX, that the mistake had not been horrible, but only a little bad. That necessitated yet anther trip to the bank, and resulted in, at one point, no less than FOUR people all standing around scratching their heads wondering what to do. A plan was finally devised and most of the "bad" had been reversed, so no embarrassment to the office or serious financial problems, but it did involve my having to go back to the office to have a heart-to-heart with Dr. G, who needs to do some clean up work tomorrow.

I left the office very glad that I'm going off to Houston in the morning. I am aware that I have developed full blown job stress and I need two days away from the office. There is a problem working all day for a guy as his regular employee and then going home and working all night for him as his contract employee. All Dr.G all the time is just too much Dr. G. So I intend to fly off into the wild blue yonder tomorrow and not give a thought to the office for two full days. It will be bliss.

But my incompetence didn't end with the Curves disappointment or the banking fiasco. Remember that review I was up until the wee small hours of the morning writing? Proudly I e-mailed it off to my editor, only to come home to a scolding e-mail because he didn't know that I was going to be going to the show because the theatre had forgotten to send him a press release and he wasn't expecting and that always makes it awkward.