25 September 2002
In last week's "Wake
Up Call," I went on at great length talking about my dieting failures. I talked
about how I would give up for emotional reasons. Sometimes I would give up when I'd had a
bad week, gained weight and then decided "the hell with it."
That week was one of those danger weeks. I gained 5.2 lbs and that was embarrassing
enough that in times past, I would have thrown up my hands, drowned my sorrows in a
cheesecake or chocolate or something and slowly the weight would creep back on again.
But this time it's different. This time I'm determined that I'm going to complete
this program. I am going to reach goal. And so to reach goal, I had to pull myself up by
my bootstraps and recover from the bad eating week.
I didn't starve myself. In fact, I usually ate at the top of my points range each day.
That means not giving up the peanut butter I have on my toast each day, for example. But I
stayed within my points range.
I also worked on exercise. After my weigh-in last Tuesday, I rode my bike to work and
then when I came home from work, I went on another bike ride. I've been pushing to keep up
with Cindy on our 5 a.m. rides, rather than making her slow down to wait for me. I've been
faithful about going to the club to exercise. And then, of course, there was the AIDS
There was at least one danger day.
On Saturday, we went to a salmon barbecue at the home of a guy Walt works with. I think
Walt was surprised when I suggested biking instead of driving. But heck, I pass the house
every morning I go biking with Cindy, so I knew it was an easy bike ride--even in the 100
degree heat (people at the barbecue were amazed that we'd biked, and thought it had been
The dinner was more or less innocuous. I probably had more salmon than I should have,
but I couldn't weigh the steaks and took the smallest one I could find. I loaded up on
green salads and skipped the potato salad.
But as I passed through the kitchen on the way to the table I saw them: cheesecake from
the Cheesecake Factory, and two unopened boxes from our gourmet bakery here in town. This
could be a problem.
But it wasn't. In truth, I'm never completely comfortable (heck, I'm not comfortable at
all) at these gatherings. All the people know each other and I don't know any of them,
except for recognizing some of the faces from having seen them so often. But I don't know
anything about them, am terribly shy and not good at initiating conversation, and they all
seem to be talking about work-related things anyway, and I'm totally left out. I usually
end up sitting near a group of people with a pasted on smile on my face, not understanding
a word anybody is saying and wishing I were anywhere but there. At some point I usually
take a break and sit in the bathroom for awhile until I can go back out with pasted on
They're nice enough people. It's just that it's not my most comfortable social
interaction. It may, in fact, be my least comfortable social interaction.
But--hey--we had come on bikes!! That meant that I didn't have to stay until
Walt was ready to leave! I did, in all honesty, have work to do at home, but mainly I
didn't want to be there when they brought out the desserts. So I told Walt I'd meet him at
home and I biked off by myself.
It was the ideal situation. I attended the barbecue, but I didn't have to face the
desserts. I got some extra work done. Walt didn't have to worry about my wanting to leave.
And I also got extra exercise. Talk about a win-win-win situation.
Today was the moment of truth. Would I have lost any of the 5+ lbs I gained last week,
or would I have stayed the same? I considered taking off my shoes--but that would be
cheating, since I always weigh with my shoes on. I also realized that I had to go to
the bathroom as I arrived at the meeting--and urine weighs some, you know. But I didn't
rush in to empty my bladder. I would just step on the scale and take whatever I got.
SIX pounds. I lost six pounds. SIX POUNDS!!!! This means I am about 1.8 lbs from
eighty pounds. My god...how old is a child who weighs 80 lbs? In another month, I will
have lost more weight than I have ever lost in my life--and I intend that it is going to stay
I've learned another lesson this week (this seems to be a week of personal growth).
When it gets discouraging, don't give up. Hold on to the dream, and if you really believe
it, one day it will come true.
I'm in this for the long haul. I'm holding fast to the dream. And I'm working to make
it come true.