IS THIS ANY WAY TO RUN A WEDDING?
9 September 2002
We got home at nearly 4 p.m., to find a message from Dr. G on the answering
machine—two messages, actually—letting me know he left work for me on my desk on
Saturday morning and that he needed it finished by 11 a.m. tomorrow. Which is going to be
a neat trick, especially since I have to write a review by tomorrow morning too. Sometimes
it just gets a bit too much. Fortunately, I do this "home typing" on contract
for him (not as part of my regular salary), and you can be fairly certain that the price
will be increased significantly for the demand for such quick turnaround time...on a
Sunday.
The weekend was spent doing two things: going to a wedding (on Saturday) and then
spending that night with my mother and taking her to brunch this morning for her birthday.
There are people who read this journal (fortunately, the family of the bride is not
among them), who may disagree with what I'm going to write, but from my perspective, I'd
like to explain how NOT to throw a wedding.
1. Invite more people than the church will hold.
2. Neglect to inform the person who is in a motorized wheelchair that the
church is not handicap accessible. (When there was no offer of assistance from anybody
connected to the wedding, Walt and Mike, who are truly good guys, managed to find a way,
and worked very hard at getting the wheelchair in, moving it up very narrow metal strips.
It was a very difficult task, but by golly they did it, and both earned at least five gold
stars.)
3. Throw an outdoor reception by the ocean--when it's freezing 90% of the time, this
day no exception.
4. Keep the guests standing in the cold for an hour and a half before letting them in
to the dinner area.
5. Invite a lovely string quartet to play lovely background music, but place them so
out of the way that their music is totally drowned out by the sound of people standing
about with chattering teeth.
6. Also make sure that the place you choose is so small that only half of the guests
can fit under the sheltered, warmed tent; seat the rest (about 50 people--6 tables of 8)
outside in the cold. Provide only enough heat for about four people.
7. Leave the people in the "back 40" sitting waiting for over an hour in the
cold while the chosen few get their dinner—and go back for seconds.
8. When some in the "back 40" stage a revolt and demand food, allow them to
eat. (the waiters never DID come to let us know we could go to the buffet table, and since
it was hidden from view, we had no idea that everyone else had already eaten).
9. Make sure that all the toasts and things are mic'ed only to the chosen few, leaving
those in the back 40 not only unable to see, but unable to hear as well—except when
the chosen few laughed at some funny bit that we were unable to hear.
10. When those in the back 40 ask for coffee, bring ice-cold coffee cups, and then 20
minutes later, return to let them know there is no more coffee.
11. When the cake is cut, forget to serve it to the back 40.
(In all fairness, I can't say with absolute certainty that they forgot to serve cake to
the back 40, but when I left, I stood on tiptoe to look into the area of the chosen few
and no longer saw the cake, and the groom was walking around in the parking lot as I went
to the car to get warm and read a book until Walt decided to leave too. )
Perhaps I was just more bitchy than most (and maybe that was because I was the only one
in the group who didn't drink any alcohol), but I frankly thought it was the most poorly
planned wedding I'd ever attended. It was very nice visiting with the five other friends
who were also sitting in the back 40, but quite frankly, I would rather have met them
indoors.
However, in contrast, we had a lovely evening/morning with my mother. It was her 83rd
birthday, and, social butterfly that she is, it's been a week long celebration. She wasn't
home when we got there last night, because some friends had taken her out to dinner. Other
friends had taken her out for dinner the previous night, and she's being taken out to
dinner tomorrow night. I'm sure I've forgotten several other groups who have honored her.
But we had her all to ourselves, and it was lovely.
She and I walked around the lagoon near her house this morning--I love the
area because it's so peaceful, save for the quacking of the ducks and the occasional dog
barking when you pass its yard.
And then we went off to a restaurant overlooking the town of Novato and the surrounding
hills for a lovely brunch. I didn't even worry about points and decided to savor every
mouthful of my "hot crab bake," which was Dungeness crab (one of my very
favorite foods) on french bread, topped with Mornay sauce and Swiss cheese. (Dinner
tonight will be fat free yogurt and low fat popcorn!)
After lunch, we took some pictures in the lovely setting...
...and then we headed home, stopping at Costco en route. Now I have to deal with Dr. G
and his rush job and write a review of the show I saw Friday night, all done before 5 a.m.
so I can go riding The Blue Angel with Cindy.
