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16 October 2002

Momentum is a funny thing when it comes to changing one's lifestyle.

We returned from LA yesterday and I rode the Blue Angel to work. Prior to this, it had been nearly 2 weeks before I'd ridden around Davis (somehow I don't count the 13 miles along the beach; I was too preoccupied with looking at all the sights to concentrate on "riding.")

I found that even that brief period of time made me realize that I was already out of shape (lord help me when I finally get back to the club, which I haven't been in in over two weeks!). It was work to climb the horrible overpass...I did it, but it was not with the ease I've done it before. It was just....different. I had lost the momentum which I will now begin to build up again.

(Another good reason to take the bikes with us to Ashland next weekend--not lose momentum. Someone assures me that Ashland is the most bike-friendly town in Oregon, so I hope to be able to do some riding while there. It's so nice to have a bike rack!)

Eating is another momentum I am losing, slowly, slowly, slowly. Oh, not that I'm losing ease of eating. Far from it. In fact, I am regaining that (along with some weight), and I'm upset about that.

The weigh-in wasn't bad. With all of the indulging in that gourmet food over the weekend, I was really worried, but I had only gained 0.2 lbs. That's terrific. It's definitely not because I was noshing carrots when everyone around me was letting chocolate melt on their tongue, I tell ya!

But there's something about stirring up all those taste buds again that make it a real struggle to get them disciplined once again. It really is like being an alcoholic. One taste...and you set off all those molecules that begin to push the leafy green loving tastebuds to one side and cry out for chocolate! butter! fat! (or chocolate butterfat, which is even better!)

I so admire my Seattle friend who has struggled with weight issues for as long as I have, who has now passed her 10% goal, and who managed to work in an office full of complimentary Krisy Kreme donuts and not succumb.

This was not me this weekend. And it was an extended weekend too. Started out fine with salad for dinner Thursday night until the hot French bread came out. Well, gotta have some of that--I could easily fit that in my day's points. And maybe just a smide of butter. Three pieces later......

Then Friday started with the good-for-me 2+ mile walk to the supermarket so I could have some Splenda on my oatmeal, but then in the evening there was the wedding and its three gourmet-laden tables of mouth-watering goodies, my resolve weakened by "one little glass of champagne" which turned into two.

Saturday's bike ride was great, but things fell apart at the gigantic martini-glass-shaped bowl full of peanut M&Ms, all the catered goodies at the family gathering, and more of that delicious wedding just the natural uneasiness of being in a big group where I should have been comfortable, but wasn't. Unease = eat. (Or so my mind always thinks)

By Sunday, I no longer cared. Sausage with fries? Sure. Pasta with pesto? Sure. Hot, warm fugazi bread? Sure. I'll stop eating tomorrow.

"Tomorrow" it is a struggle to think green and get back on that straight and narrow track again.

I seriously considered conveniently "forgetting" to go to WeightWatchers this morning. It would have been easy. I'm up to my eyeballs in transcription (again...or still) and was engrossed in an IM chat with Steve and though my eyes were riveted on the clock it would have been simple to say "oh! I forgot!"

But I didn't. I decided to face the music. I even rode my bike up there (my word has it turned cold!). And in the end, I'm glad I did. I gained. But just barely (miraculously). And I'm writing about it. And pulling out the points books again. And starting to tame all of those chocolate/butter/fat genes again.

Each day is like starting over again.

And each day that you start over again, it gets a little easier. But when you let yourself lose momentum, then it's really like the first start-over all over again. The sad thing is that the self-esteem erodes when you let go. The face/figure in the mirror does not significantly alter in a matter of days. The waists aren't any tighter or looser overnight. But the mental image is there and it makes a difference. It also makes a difference in how you respond. "I look fat; I might as well eat." "I look thin, I'm thrilled I'm doing this."

Well, today is an "I look fat" day, but I won't go beyond the points. Tomorrow it will be difficult to keep up with Cindy because I haven't kept up a 12 mph pace in nearly 2 weeks, but I'll do it. I won't be walking any 3.3 mph on the treadmill at the club because I haven't done it in two weeks, but I'll walk at whatever pace I can muster and build up again. And with any luck, when I weigh in next week I'll be back to feeling thin and virtuous, and lovin' those leafy greens.

The secret is never to lose momentum.

And if you do, keep a very public diary and be brutally honest in it so you get too embarrassed to keep backsliding.

Quote of the Day

Adversity has its compensation, that in falling and in failing, we rise.

~Mark Helprin

Photo of the Day

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this was growing below
our motel room window.


One Year Ago
I'm Doomed
Hey--I could be just as stunted on iMesh as I was before the Internet. I could still find myself back in the 30s and 40s, because obviously there is an audience out there for those songs as well.

Two Years Ago
They Will Not Be Forgotten
I’m sure Steve sat down to watch this video as a favor to me. But, as I hoped, he was blown away by it. It was far better than he expected and we spent a lot of time talking about the show and his ideas about it. It was very gratifying for me that a year and a half after Paul’s death his message could still have an impact...that he could still be remembered.

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Pounds Lost:  76.4
(this figure is updated on Tuesdays)

On the Odometer

URL 671.8 + 36
Blue Angel 174.4

(Yes, I really haven't ridden either bike since last week...
it's not just that I'm forgetting to update these figures)

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Created 10/14/02