16 October 2002
Momentum is a funny thing when it comes to changing one's lifestyle.
We returned from LA yesterday and I rode the Blue Angel to work.
Prior to this, it had been nearly 2 weeks before I'd ridden around Davis (somehow I don't
count the 13 miles along the beach; I was too preoccupied with looking at all the sights
to concentrate on "riding.")
I found that even that brief period of time made me realize that I
was already out of shape (lord help me when I finally get back to the club, which I
haven't been in in over two weeks!). It was work to climb the horrible overpass...I
did it, but it was not with the ease I've done it before. It was just....different.
I had lost the momentum which I will now begin to build up again.
(Another good reason to take the bikes with us to Ashland next
weekend--not lose momentum. Someone assures me that Ashland is the most bike-friendly town
in Oregon, so I hope to be able to do some riding while there. It's so nice to have
a bike rack!)
Eating is another momentum I am losing, slowly, slowly, slowly. Oh,
not that I'm losing ease of eating. Far from it. In fact, I am regaining that (along with
some weight), and I'm upset about that.
The weigh-in wasn't bad. With all of the indulging in that gourmet
food over the weekend, I was really worried, but I had only gained 0.2 lbs. That's
terrific. It's definitely not because I was noshing carrots when everyone around me was
letting chocolate melt on their tongue, I tell ya!
But there's something about stirring up all those taste buds again
that make it a real struggle to get them disciplined once again. It really is like
being an alcoholic. One sip...one taste...and you set off all those molecules that begin
to push the leafy green loving tastebuds to one side and cry out for chocolate! butter!
fat! (or chocolate butterfat, which is even better!)
I so admire my Seattle friend who has struggled with weight issues
for as long as I have, who has now passed her 10% goal, and who managed to work in an
office full of complimentary Krisy Kreme donuts and not succumb.
This was not me this weekend. And it was an extended weekend too.
Started out fine with salad for dinner Thursday night until the hot French bread came out.
Well, gotta have some of that--I could easily fit that in my day's points. And maybe just
a smide of butter. Three pieces later......
Then Friday started with the good-for-me 2+ mile walk to the
supermarket so I could have some Splenda on my oatmeal, but then in the evening there was
the wedding and its three gourmet-laden tables of mouth-watering goodies, my resolve
weakened by "one little glass of champagne" which turned into two.
Saturday's bike ride was great, but things fell apart at the
gigantic martini-glass-shaped bowl full of peanut M&Ms, all the catered goodies at the
family gathering, and more of that delicious wedding cake...plus just the natural
uneasiness of being in a big group where I should have been comfortable, but wasn't.
Unease = eat. (Or so my mind always thinks)
By Sunday, I no longer cared. Sausage with fries? Sure. Pasta with
pesto? Sure. Hot, warm fugazi bread? Sure. I'll stop eating tomorrow.
"Tomorrow" it is a struggle to think green and get back on
that straight and narrow track again.
I seriously considered conveniently "forgetting" to go to
WeightWatchers this morning. It would have been easy. I'm up to my eyeballs in
transcription (again...or still) and was engrossed in an IM chat with Steve and though my
eyes were riveted on the clock it would have been simple to say "oh! I forgot!"
But I didn't. I decided to face the music. I even rode my bike up
there (my word has it turned cold!). And in the end, I'm glad I did. I gained. But
just barely (miraculously). And I'm writing about it. And pulling out the points books
again. And starting to tame all of those chocolate/butter/fat genes again.
Each day is like starting over again.
And each day that you start over again, it gets a little easier. But
when you let yourself lose momentum, then it's really like the first start-over all over
again. The sad thing is that the self-esteem erodes when you let go. The face/figure in
the mirror does not significantly alter in a matter of days. The waists aren't any tighter
or looser overnight. But the mental image is there and it makes a difference. It also
makes a difference in how you respond. "I look fat; I might as well eat."
"I look thin, I'm thrilled I'm doing this."
Well, today is an "I look fat" day, but I won't go beyond
the points. Tomorrow it will be difficult to keep up with Cindy because I haven't kept up
a 12 mph pace in nearly 2 weeks, but I'll do it. I won't be walking any 3.3 mph on the
treadmill at the club because I haven't done it in two weeks, but I'll walk at whatever
pace I can muster and build up again. And with any luck, when I weigh in next week I'll be
back to feeling thin and virtuous, and lovin' those leafy greens.
The secret is never to lose momentum.
And if you do, keep a very public diary and be brutally honest in it
so you get too embarrassed to keep backsliding.