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27 November 2002

I gained back the 2.6 lbs I lost last week, so I'm back where I started two weeks ago. And it's time to take my lumps.

I could make excuses, blame circumstances (and I will <g>), but the truth is that it was almost a deliberate thing. I've said before that I'm kind of at a critical stage, where it's vital that I continue to go to meetings because without that accountability, I'd start packing on the pounds again.

There were a couple of things that happened this week. I had dinner with my boss's wife (at her house) and she brought in Chinese food--the highest calorie things on the menu (sweet and sour chicken--deep fried and heavily sweetened, and walnut shrimp, also deep fried and heavily sweetened). In the "good girl" column goes the fact that I did not have seconds, though she kept urging me to; in the "bad girl" column was the fact that I took pretty big first helpings, so didn't need seconds.

Then there was that review I wrote. I have difficulty writing reviews of straight plays and this seemed more difficult than most, so I was stressed and reverted to old habits--I spent a lot of time eating, and eating the wrong things (carrots just don't do it where stress is concerned!)

But there really was no precipitating factor the day I took advantage of the 2-for-1 sale on cinnamon graham crackers. Under normal circumstances, I would have been able to portion them out appropriately (they were even the low fat kind). But in my present mindset, I couldn't. Not good. (Well, yes they were good, especially with low fat Cool Whip--but eating them was not good!)

I'm still overeating "legal" things, but the operative word here is not "legal," it's "overeating."

So why am I doing it? What makes me angry is that weeks like this make me realize that this "lifestyle change" isn't taking the way I thought it was. My brain is telling me that I'm now on a diet, not a lifestyle change, and how can I get that mindset back?

One thing that has happened is my feeling about cooking. Whenever I start a new eating regime, since I am a person who enjoys cooking--sometimes--I scour cookbooks and enjoy finding new things to make.

But there comes a time when boredom sets in and I'm back to trying to make "something with chicken in it" and loading up on the veggies, which many times I forget to buy. The creativity flies out the window and that's generally the first sign that I'm in trouble. This may have gone hand in hand with the increase in work hours. By the time I get home at 6:30 or 7, I'm just too tired to think of being creative (of course I could solve this by getting things ready before I go to work, but somehow I never get around to doing that either)

Thanksgiving week isn't exactly the best week for turning a weight gain around, but the pumpkin pies which are baking and filling the kitchen with holiday aroma are going to leave here this afternoon and travel to Lake Tahoe, so I won't even be tempted. Even if I have turkey with all the trimmings at the restaurant with my mother tomorrow (and I may not do that), there will be no leftovers to worry about the next day.

I've said time and time again that the key to this plan working is journaling. And I have to admit that I've gotten out of the habit. I started keeping a journal on the computer and then gradually just forgot to record things. I think it's time to go back to keeping a paper one and not just trying to keep all the numbers in my head. There is something much more effective about seeing all those numbers add up throughout the day. It's accountability in black and white.

I'm sort of OK on the exercise routine. Cindy and I are still doing our 8 miles every other day. I rode by myself on Sunrday (even though it was only to ride across town to put flowers on the kids' grave after I learned of Susan's death), so that gave me weekend miles. And except for today, when I was finishing transcription and getting the pies made for Walt to take tonight, I've been faithful about going to the club on non-biking days. I could up the intensity of the club and I could make sure that I get longer bike rides on the weekend. That would help. But at least I'm sticking with the plan (and that is at least 60% thanks to Cindy, who is determined that we will ride, rain or shine or wind or freezing temperatures! If it were up to me, I'd stick my nose out in the the 38 degree wind and say "forget it." But I don't because I don't want to admit to being a weather wimp.)

So FOOD is the eternal culprit and I need to resolve to be better about journaling and to be more diligent with meal planning to avoid throwing anything together at the last minute in the evening just because I'm too lazy to make sure that what I'm eating is not only within the point range, but also balanced regarding meat, starch and veggies. 

I also need to drink more water.  I drink a lot of water, especially in the summertime, but my water consumption drops in winter and I have to remind myself to drink a lot.  I think that's how I lost the 2.6 lbs last week--I really pushed the water, which I forgot to do this week.

I promised myself I would see a new set of numbers this week, and I didn't. The trick is losing this 2.6 lbs and then some so I can see those numbers I'm looking for.

When I arrived at WeightWatchers this morning, there was a woman struggling up the steps hoisting the kind of fat that I did in January. I gave her an encouraging smile and made a mental note that I don't look like that any more, but can very easily get back to that shape--and that inability to climb stairs without hanging on and pulling myself up each step.

So this is my accountability entry for the week. My confession. My hitting myself over the head once more with a reality check. And my hope that it will convince me to get back on track again. I'm tired of this one week loss, one week gain business. It's time for more consistent adherence to awhile.

Quote of the Day

Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie.

~ Jim Davis, 'Garfield'

Photo of the Day

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I'm gonna keep doing this, every
time I have a bad week, so I
am forced to look at how far
I've come...



One Year Ago
Congratulations--You're Not Dead
I've lost the ability to do high-kicks, I can't use my normal "fix it" method ... give it a swift kick and see if that won't get it started again.

Two Years Ago

Throughout my life there are dates that stick in my mind because they mark special events, whether happy or sad. June 22, the day Judy Garland died. June 13, the date of my high school graduation. October 9, the day I first fell head over heels in love. July 20, the day Neil Armstrong stepped on the moon. December 15, the day I quit my job. Somehow it’s important to us to mark events. These are the milestones along the road of our lives. But there are some anniversaries I’d rather I didn’t have to remember.

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Pounds Lost:  81.8
(this figure is updated on Tuesdays)

On the Odometer

URL 702.2 + 36
Blue Angel 391.1

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Created 11/26/02