ONE LUMP OR TWO?
27 November 2002
I gained back the 2.6 lbs I lost last week, so I'm back where I
started two weeks ago. And it's time to take my lumps.
I could make excuses, blame circumstances (and I will <g>),
but the truth is that it was almost a deliberate thing. I've said before that I'm kind of
at a critical stage, where it's vital that I continue to go to meetings because without
that accountability, I'd start packing on the pounds again.
There were a couple of things that happened this week. I had dinner
with my boss's wife (at her house) and she brought in Chinese food--the highest calorie
things on the menu (sweet and sour chicken--deep fried and heavily sweetened, and walnut
shrimp, also deep fried and heavily sweetened). In the "good girl" column goes
the fact that I did not have seconds, though she kept urging me to; in the "bad
girl" column was the fact that I took pretty big first helpings, so didn't need
Then there was that review I wrote. I have difficulty writing
reviews of straight plays and this seemed more difficult than most, so I was stressed and
reverted to old habits--I spent a lot of time eating, and eating the wrong things (carrots
just don't do it where stress is concerned!)
But there really was no precipitating factor the day I took
advantage of the 2-for-1 sale on cinnamon graham crackers. Under normal circumstances, I
would have been able to portion them out appropriately (they were even the low fat kind).
But in my present mindset, I couldn't. Not good. (Well, yes they were good,
especially with low fat Cool Whip--but eating them was not good!)
I'm still overeating "legal" things, but the operative
word here is not "legal," it's "overeating."
So why am I doing it? What makes me angry is that weeks like this
make me realize that this "lifestyle change" isn't taking the way I thought it
was. My brain is telling me that I'm now on a diet, not a lifestyle change, and how
can I get that mindset back?
One thing that has happened is my feeling about cooking. Whenever I
start a new eating regime, since I am a person who enjoys cooking--sometimes--I scour
cookbooks and enjoy finding new things to make.
But there comes a time when boredom sets in and I'm back to trying
to make "something with chicken in it" and loading up on the veggies, which many
times I forget to buy. The creativity flies out the window and that's generally the first
sign that I'm in trouble. This may have gone hand in hand with the increase in work hours.
By the time I get home at 6:30 or 7, I'm just too tired to think of being creative (of
course I could solve this by getting things ready before I go to work, but somehow I never
get around to doing that either)
Thanksgiving week isn't exactly the best week for turning a weight
gain around, but the pumpkin pies which are baking and filling the kitchen with holiday
aroma are going to leave here this afternoon and travel to Lake Tahoe, so I won't even be
tempted. Even if I have turkey with all the trimmings at the restaurant with my mother
tomorrow (and I may not do that), there will be no leftovers to worry about the next day.
I've said time and time again that the key to this plan working is
journaling. And I have to admit that I've gotten out of the habit. I started keeping a
journal on the computer and then gradually just forgot to record things. I think it's time
to go back to keeping a paper one and not just trying to keep all the numbers in my head.
There is something much more effective about seeing all those numbers add up throughout
the day. It's accountability in black and white.
I'm sort of OK on the exercise routine. Cindy and I are still doing
our 8 miles every other day. I rode by myself on Sunrday (even though it was only to ride
across town to put flowers on the kids' grave after I learned of Susan's death), so that
gave me weekend miles. And except for today, when I was finishing transcription and
getting the pies made for Walt to take tonight, I've been faithful about going to the club
on non-biking days. I could up the intensity of the club and I could make sure that I get
longer bike rides on the weekend. That would help. But at least I'm sticking with the plan
(and that is at least 60% thanks to Cindy, who is determined that we will ride, rain or
shine or wind or freezing temperatures! If it were up to me, I'd stick my nose out in the
the 38 degree wind and say "forget it." But I don't because I don't want to
admit to being a weather wimp.)
So FOOD is the eternal culprit and I need to resolve to be better
about journaling and to be more diligent with meal planning to avoid throwing anything
together at the last minute in the evening just because I'm too lazy to make sure that
what I'm eating is not only within the point range, but also balanced regarding meat,
starch and veggies.
I also need to drink more water. I drink a lot of water,
especially in the summertime, but my water consumption drops in winter and I have to
remind myself to drink a lot. I think that's how I lost the 2.6 lbs last week--I
really pushed the water, which I forgot to do this week.
I promised myself I would see a new set of numbers this week, and I
didn't. The trick is losing this 2.6 lbs and then some so I can see those numbers I'm
When I arrived at WeightWatchers this morning, there was a woman
struggling up the steps hoisting the kind of fat that I did in January. I gave her an
encouraging smile and made a mental note that I don't look like that any more, but can
very easily get back to that shape--and that inability to climb stairs without hanging on
and pulling myself up each step.
So this is my accountability entry for the week. My confession. My
hitting myself over the head once more with a reality check. And my hope that it will
convince me to get back on track again. I'm tired of this one week loss, one week gain
business. It's time for more consistent adherence to this...diet...for awhile.