29 June 2002
For anybody who thinks that once you have been on a new "lifestyle" for this
long, you have it made.....
W R O N G!!!
I think I proved yesterday that I truly am "one donut away" from
blowing it all.
Oh, I didn't blow it. And I didn't devour donuts. But I did let my eating get
out of control. I didn't eat bad things, but too much of good things. It's like the
days when I realized that while Skinny Cow ice cream sandwiches are low points and OK to
add to my diet, having six a day probably wasn't what was intended in trying to reshape
I got off kilter right off the bat yesterday morning. I went from the club to the
office because Dr. G is trying to rent some office space and a guy wanted to see it at
7:30. I rode my bike (good me) the two miles to the office to meet him, still in my biking
shorts and Lawsuit t-shirt. (I have now begun using the tunnel under the railroad tracks
to get from one side of town to the other, instead of riding about two miles out of the
way to go around or walking up the Big Overpass (as opposed to the "dreaded
overpass"). I had been nervous about this underpass, hearing that it was
"scary," that there was "a hill" and that there was a danger in making
a "sharp turn." I'm not sure what I anticipated, but I envisioned this long dark
tunnel with a turn in the middle. However, the whole thing is only as long as the width of
a railroad track--or slightly larger--and hardly worth even thinking about. The
"hill" I can make it up without even downshifting.)
But I digress.
I was hungry when I got to the office, which I had last week supplied with Luna bars
for snacks on long days, so I had a Luna bar. I have calculated that they are 4 points
each, and so I limit them to one a day, despite the fact that they are supposedly very
nutritious, "power bars" for women (I suspect that's mostly hype!)
When I got home, I had cereal and milk. Already I was 7 points for the morning (of a 28
Then I just...snacked all day. Non-fat vanilla yogurt with fresh straberries for
mid-morning snack. Lunch was OK, since I made myself a fantastic thing with onions,
mushrooms and red peppers sauteed in PAM (zero points so far), and rolled in a 2-point
tortilla with 2 Tbsp of Taco Bell cheese salsa (1 point). That was fine. but then there
were the two WeightWatchers chocolate mint bars, another Luna bar, low-fat graham crackers
with low-fat Cool Whip, and later with peanut butter....just all the bad "good"
stuff. I was just suffering from very bad cravings and lack of self control for the first
time in a very long time. It's scary to realize just how tenuous my hold on
"self control" can be.
It was approaching dinner time. I was feeling very bad about my eating behavior for the
day but I also recognized that this is precisely the mindset that I get into when I start
giving up and I am not going to do that.
Instead of just figuring I'd blown the day and not worry about dinner, I sat down and
calculated exactly how many points I'd eaten to that point. Turned out I'd eaten 26. My
point range is 28-33 and I'd earned 6 extra points by exercising for more than an hour. I
know those "exercise points" are there every day but I never use them.
So I was to that point on track, but a "normal" dinner, even a diet one,
would put me at more points than I wanted to eat--I'm very close to moving into a
different point range, so I'm trying to eat at the lower end of the range, rather than the
Instead, I just didn't have dinner at all. And to keep myself from blowing it and
having another "snack," I went to sleep early. It helped that I was doing a
blood test today and needed to fast for 12 hours.
This morning, I'm back on my usual routine and I'm feeling more in control because I
know that even with all the "bad" eating yesterday, I stayed on the
program--barely. It was also a good wake-up call that I can't get complacent in this
program. I can't start mentally journaling. I can't start guessing at proportions. I need
to write everything down. I need to weigh and measure everything, and I need to double
check my memory by looking point values up in my WeightWatchers book.
This is especially important to reinforce today because I'll be in "snack and
restaurant heaven" for the weekend and I must remember to take my food journal, my
WeightWatchers point book, and my points calculator. I do not want to lose all this
momentum by back-sliding at this point.
And by the way, I will be posting entries for the 30th and July 1, but will probably
post them both on the same day. I'm going to San Francisco for the Gay Pride festivities
and will be gone both Saturday and Sunday. But I suspect that both days will be busy
enough that they'll take two entries (especially since I intend to take lots of pictures).
So if you don't see an entry at the usual time, not to worry--just check for two new
entries when I get back.
Hold the good thought that I'll be able to stick with my resolve to stay on this
program even with all the food temptations around me all weekend!
(Ironically, Mary of Bozette wrote an entry very similar to this one two days ago, as did Rockfox--neither of which I read until after I'd written this entry of my own. Must be something about having been on this program for six months that is starting to get to us. I'm in very good company and we're all going to stick with this and achieve our goals!)