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11 June 2002

One of my newest hobbies is trying on clothes. Old clothes. Clothes that have been hanging in the closet for years. It's amazingly gratifying to try on something that you haven't been able to fit into in 10 years and realize it's too big. I was going to wear the dress I wore for Ned & Marta's wedding the other night, but when I put it on, it just hung on me, so into the bag it went.

I'm feeling positively thin these days.

After our Ride Against Hunger on Saturday, when both Haggie and Olivia showed up in sports bras, "tasteful" enough that they were able to change t-shirts in the parking lot, I decided that in order to be a real jockette, I needed a real sports bra. (Heck, I need any bra--I have two ratty ones that I've been wearing for years and they give about as much support as if I'd looped a piece of string under my boobs and tied the ends around my neck..)

So I went to the Goddess of All Things Women's Biking, Team Estrogen, and to my great delight, the "elite empower sports bra" was on sale! Closeout price, even. This was my lucky day and obviously the gods of biking were with me.

This bra is specifically designed for C & D cup sizes. Shaped cups, stable straps, non-stretch side and center panels all translate into extra support and stability for fuller figures.

I happily looked at the styles and colors (shocking pink?) and read that this would give extra support and stability for my "fuller figure."

Yeah, baby! I'm there! "Full figure"? Closeout prices? What more could I ask?

The Elite Empower also features InSport's Hydrasuede™ fabric. It's so soft, you'll find yourself wanting one in all three colors. Made from 85%Supplex®/15%Lycrar®, it prevents chafing, stays soft when wet and even dries quickly.

85% Supplex®. I don't know what that is, but it sounds heavenly. And surely what I need is something that stays soft when wet and prevents chafing. Maybe I'll wear it all the time, not just when I'm battling 40 mph winds and trying to scale a mountainous overpass.

I was already doing the math to see if I could, indeed, afford to buy one in each color.

Which size would I need? Dare I even hope that my ever-shrinking shape might be ready for NOT the largest size on the list? Oh, I realize I'd still be a candidate for one of those hidden cameras doing a report on Obesity in America, but when I walk the fat just jiggles now. It doesn't pull back two paces behind me and then spring forward to reconnect with my hips again. "Firmness" is not yet a word in my vocabulary, but "acceptable" is becoming a remote possibility. And whoda thunk that would happen a year ago?

Dryliner™ inner layer for moisture management

Supportive bottom band

T-back for ease of movement

It was sounding better and better. I'd never had a t-back for ease of movement. I'm always trying to reach around and hook the darn hooks. And a dryliner sounded high tech. I'd never had a high tech bra before. Who knows what improvement it would make in my profile.

So there was only one next step--check the size chart and see which of the fuller figure sizes had my name on it.

XL is the largest this "full figure" bra comes in.

XL is dress size 14-16.

14-16 to me is almost a petite! 14-16 is my goal. 14-16 is on the distant horizon. Waaay distant.

I'd like to see what Twiggy person decided that size 14-16 was a fuller figure person. Come here, Baby, I'll show you "fuller figure."

So it looks like there's no empowering sport bra pullover in my future.

I will not be elite, or empowered.

I will not know the comfort of Hydrasuade™.

I will not enjoy ease of movement of freedom from wetness.

Supplex® and I will not become friends.

I'm headed back to Omar the Tentmaker to see about buying a couple of small puptents to house these babies for the next ride.

I will probably not be changing t-shirts in the parking lot.

BTW!!! In case you missed the addition of the kewl new logo, designed by SecraTerri which I added to my front page, there is now an Boob Burb, beautifully designed by Haggie. All you women who ride bikes--whether you live in California or not--are invited to visit the web site and decide if you, too, want to be a boob.


Quote of the Day

I've decided that perhaps I'm bulimic and just keep forgetting to purge.

-Paula Poundstone

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