AND SO IT
31 July 2002
I knew it was coming. The steady drop in weight (save for the 4th of July weekend) was too good
to last, and today it came to a crashing halt.
Not only did I not lose, I gained a pound.
This in a week where I did not cheat (I was over points one day, but
had banked points to take care of it), exercised every day--and even more than usual,
combining two bike rides on the weekend and my ride with Cindy Monday morning.
This is the time when I have to remind myself of why I started on
this journey to begin with. It was a combination of a lot of things, not the least of
which was my diagnosis of Type II Diabetes.
Suddenly faced with the real possibility of death in the foreseeable
future (I always was dramatic), I had to make the choice to live or die. Living
meant changing my life, learning to eat healthy, gritting my teeth and getting some
exercise, making sure my health care was current.
Dying meant continuing to eat the way I was, to spend all of my time
sitting down, and ignoring all the warning signs.
When I started WeightWatchers in January, I told myself I wasn't
going to worry about the scale readings....they would just be a way to make sure that I
wasn't backsliding, a way of facing the music each week, an incentive to keep on the
program. But I knew it was inevitable that I would not lose a lot each week forever. That
didn't matter. I was in this for the long haul....for the health benefits, and because I
very much wanted to live.
But it was quite infectious. I lost weight--big time some
weeks--every single week, except the week after the fourth of July, when I knew I'd fallen
waaaay off the diet. As soon as I got back on the right track, the weight I gained came
off, and then some.
You start to play the "weigh-in" game--choosing your
lightest clothes, debating about whether or not to eat before you go to the meeting, etc.,
etc. I could see myself being sucked into the importance of the numbers on that scale.
I'd followed the program so well this week that I was really, truly
surprised to find I'd gained more than a pound. I was tempted to feel depressed about it,
but I forced myself to face the reality of the situation--lots of people who stay on
program don't lose, and sometimes even gain in a week. It's only one week. I knew I'd been
following the program faithfully, so I had no cause to feel guilty--or to worry. I just
needed to keep riding that bike, keep eating good food, and not worry.
In actuallity, if I never lost another pound, I could be content.
I'm healthier than I have been in my life, I'm more active than I have been in my life.
I'm feeling good about myself. I don't hate looking at myself in the mirror any more.
So I'm not going to let the day's gain get to me. Just keep on
keepin' on, as they say. Keep my eye on the ultimate goal, which is to keep healthy.
Dr. G entered the office this morning and his first question was,
"How did your weigh-in go?" I told him and his response was "I wondered
when that was going to happen..." Then he reinforced what I'd been thinking--that
weight fluctuates, that it's unusual to continue to lose 2-4 lbs a week for an indefinite
Nice to have my opinion backed by a competent authority.
I'm feeling like some sort of hydra-headed creature with the limbs
of an octopus (now there's an interesting mental image). I am meeting myself coming
and going this week.
My schedule since yesterday, for example was:
- 5 a.m. bike with Cindy
- 6:30-noon: transcribe frantically
- noon-7: at the office (no lunch or coffee break)
- 7:00: go home and fix my dinner (Thank God Walt had
already fixed his own), eat it in about 2 minutes
- 7:15 leave for theatre
- 8-11: watch Sound of Music
- 11:30-1 a.m.: write review
- 1:30-4:30: sleep
- 5:00 a.m. go to Kinko's to make copies of stuff for
- 6:00: go to club to exercise
- 7:30: Weigh-in at WeightWatchers
- 8:30: go to post office to mail a bazillion packages
- 9-2:30: at the office (no lunch or coffee break)
- 2:30: Come home to transcribe, bringing the
two days full circle.
The office has been nonstop work for the past two days. Dr. G and I
didn't even have time to talk to each other yesterday, and barely had time to speak to
each other today. Tomorrow will probably be no different. The word is getting out and his
fame is spreading.
Some day, when I have time to actually think, I'm going to
have to get organized.