AND SO IT STARTS... 31 July 2002 I knew it was coming. The steady drop in weight (save for the 4th of July weekend) was too good to last, and today it came to a crashing halt. Not only did I not lose, I gained a pound. This in a week where I did not cheat (I was over points one day, but had banked points to take care of it), exercised every day--and even more than usual, combining two bike rides on the weekend and my ride with Cindy Monday morning. This is the time when I have to remind myself of why I started on this journey to begin with. It was a combination of a lot of things, not the least of which was my diagnosis of Type II Diabetes. Suddenly faced with the real possibility of death in the foreseeable future (I always was dramatic), I had to make the choice to live or die. Living meant changing my life, learning to eat healthy, gritting my teeth and getting some exercise, making sure my health care was current. Dying meant continuing to eat the way I was, to spend all of my time sitting down, and ignoring all the warning signs. When I started WeightWatchers in January, I told myself I wasn't going to worry about the scale readings....they would just be a way to make sure that I wasn't backsliding, a way of facing the music each week, an incentive to keep on the program. But I knew it was inevitable that I would not lose a lot each week forever. That didn't matter. I was in this for the long haul....for the health benefits, and because I very much wanted to live. But it was quite infectious. I lost weight--big time some weeks--every single week, except the week after the fourth of July, when I knew I'd fallen waaaay off the diet. As soon as I got back on the right track, the weight I gained came off, and then some. You start to play the "weigh-in" game--choosing your lightest clothes, debating about whether or not to eat before you go to the meeting, etc., etc. I could see myself being sucked into the importance of the numbers on that scale. I'd followed the program so well this week that I was really, truly surprised to find I'd gained more than a pound. I was tempted to feel depressed about it, but I forced myself to face the reality of the situation--lots of people who stay on program don't lose, and sometimes even gain in a week. It's only one week. I knew I'd been following the program faithfully, so I had no cause to feel guilty--or to worry. I just needed to keep riding that bike, keep eating good food, and not worry. In actuallity, if I never lost another pound, I could be content. I'm healthier than I have been in my life, I'm more active than I have been in my life. I'm feeling good about myself. I don't hate looking at myself in the mirror any more. So I'm not going to let the day's gain get to me. Just keep on keepin' on, as they say. Keep my eye on the ultimate goal, which is to keep healthy. Dr. G entered the office this morning and his first question was, "How did your weigh-in go?" I told him and his response was "I wondered when that was going to happen..." Then he reinforced what I'd been thinking--that weight fluctuates, that it's unusual to continue to lose 2-4 lbs a week for an indefinite time. Nice to have my opinion backed by a competent authority. I'm feeling like some sort of hydra-headed creature with the limbs of an octopus (now there's an interesting mental image). I am meeting myself coming and going this week. My schedule since yesterday, for example was:
The office has been nonstop work for the past two days. Dr. G and I didn't even have time to talk to each other yesterday, and barely had time to speak to each other today. Tomorrow will probably be no different. The word is getting out and his fame is spreading. Some day, when I have time to actually think, I'm going to have to get organized.
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Picture of the Day
This rose was growing in front |
One
Year Ago Two Years Ago This entry was a tribute to the most
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Pounds Lost: 70.2
(this figure is updated on Tuesdays)
On the Odometer: 421.9
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Created 7/29/02
