funnytheworld2.gif (4077 bytes)

 

 

 

ATTACK OF THE KILLER DILDOS

14 July 2002

They just don't make on-line conversations like they used to.   In my early years on the Internet, my main interaction with people was through CompuServe discussion forums.  We developed a nice core of people, who got to know each other pretty well.  Some of them we met, others we never met, but our on-line chatter was always a lot more interesting than any I've come across since I left the safety of CompuServe and moved out in to the big wide world web.

One of our more memorable discussions concerned sex toys.  It was such a fun discussion that I ended up saving the whole thing.  I have edited it to (a) shorten it a bit and (b) to protect the guilty.

From M to B1:

Ya gotta love it -- there's an AP report about a new Alabama state law banning sex toys.

"This is really a case about the power of the Legislature to prohibit the sale and manufacture of products it deems harmful," said state Assistant Attorney General Courtney Tarver.

Yup, I can see the movie now: "Attack of the Killer Dildos."

I mean, why don't they ban REALLY dangerous things? Cigars, for instance.

From B3 to M

>>I mean, why don't they ban REALLY dangerous things? Cigars, for instance.<<

Or equivalently, why are there no Federal dildo subsidy programs?

From B1 to M

Most of the damn legislators down here are so stupid that when you say "sex toy" the first thing that comes to their mind is "my wife".

From B2 to B1

Dontcha think that in fairness if they are banning dildos they should also make it a crime to sell Viagra? Tit for tat. So to speak.

From B1 to B2

Definitely. If the purpose of the statute is to ban products whose sole purpose is to enhance sexual pleasure, than Viagra certainly should be banned, unless it can be proven that the purpose of the Viagra was strictly for the purpose of procreation. If it's just having sex with your wife (obviously not partner, since we know "partners" are the spawn of the devil), then the drug should be banned.

From B1 to B2

One could probably make the case that Viagra is covered under the statute. <G>

From M to B2

I have a feeling that not only the wives but their husbands are annoyed at this new law.

1. They will have to work so much harder [sic] at it than before.
2. What happens when *their dildo breaks down.

 From DG to M

I don't know anyone who's ever been harmed by a dildo.

 From E to DG

A college roommate had one that she left in a bad spot and I tripped on it, bruising my knee. Does that count? <g> Of course, I'm the same person who once sliced her toe on a stale Frosted Flake. Perhaps we should ban those too.

 From DG to E

I've been trying to imagine how someone could be harmed by a raging dildo and the only picture that comes to mind is someone getting chapped lips from drooling in anticipation.

 From B3 to DG

It's hard to explain. Come over here and I'll show you.

 From DG to B3

Unfortunately, that's the best offer I've had in a month.

 From E to DG:

>> I've been trying to imagine how someone could be harmed by a raging dildo and the only picture that comes to mind is someone getting chapped lips from drooling in anticipation. <<

Chapped lips? Aren't those serious? One of my children claims to have "terminally chapped lips" so I believe you can die from them. No wonder Alabama wants to ban dildos. It's the only reasonable thing to do to protect health and safety. (NOT!)

 From M to DG

>>I've been trying to imagine how someone could be harmed by a raging dildo and the only picture that comes to mind is someone getting chapped lips from drooling in anticipation.<<

There are all of those idiot straight guys who vacuum in the nude and fall over and land on one and have to go to the emergency room for its removal.

All I can say is, start investing in cucumber and carrot futures.

From BB to DG

An ex-boyfriend was playing around with a friend and a "neck massager". It disappeared into the depths, of, uhm, well it disappeared into the depths. Still turned on.

They had a devil of a time retrieving it, slippery when wet (and vibrating) and all that, and thought they might have to call 911. They called me instead. I told him to sit on it.

 From B to M

Here is the text of the Alabama statute that is being challenged.

Alabama Code 13A-12-200.2:

(a)(1)It shall be unlawful for any person to knowingly distribute, possess with intent to distribute, or offer or agree to distribute any obscene material or any device designed or marketed as useful primarily for the stimulation of human genital organs for any thing of pecuniary value. Material not otherwise obscene may be obscene under this section if the distribution of the material, the offer to do so, or the possession with the intent to do so is a commercial exploitation of erotica solely for the sake of prurient appeal. Any person who violates this subsection shall be guilty of a misdemeanor and, upon conviction, shall be punished by a fine of not more than ten thousand dollars ($10,000) and may also be imprisoned in the county jail or sentenced to hard labor for the county for not more than one year. A second or subsequent violation of this subdivision is a Class C felony if the second or subsequent violation occurs after a conviction has been obtained for a previous violation. Upon a second violation, a corporation or business entity shall be fined not less than fifty thousand dollars ($50,000).

 From B3 to B1

>> useful primarily for the stimulation of human genital organs <<

So, are nipples and buttholes "genital organs"? And are devices to stimulate animal genital organs still legal? What about those electrical horse whoopie gadgets? I just need to know how to pack.

From M to B1

I can just see the local news now. In addition to cops showing off cocaine busts, we'll be treated to them talking about dildo busts, opening car trunks to show off the wares, and bragging about the work of their dildo-sniffing dogs.

From A to M

Sounds like an excellent opportunity for my Rosie. She already does a good job of ferreting out used tampons and dirty underwear.

From DG to M

Dildo-sniffing dogs? You train them in West Hollywood?

The Alabama Police and their crack team of toy poodles....?

 From B1 to DG

Hey, we don't own no steeenkin' poodles here. We own *real* dogs. Rottweilers. Blue Tic coon dogs, Catahoulas.

 From DG to B1

Yeah? And how good are they at sniffing dildos?

 From B to DG

Hey, if you can't eat it, real dogs don't sniff it.

 From B3 to B1

My dogs sniff LOTS of things I wouldn't dream of eating. Come to think of it, one of them eats things I wouldn't dream of sniffing.

 From B1 to B3

Well, it's not an Alabama dog then. <g>

 From M to B1

>> Material not otherwise obscene may be obscene under this section if the distribution of the material, the offer to do so, or the possession with the intent to do so is a commercial exploitation of erotica solely for the sake of prurient appeal.<<

Does that mean that root vegetables are banned in Alabama.

 From B1 to M

I think they get around it with the "primary purpose of stimulating genitalia" clause. IMO though that still covers a lot of "root vegetables". <g>

 From D to M

At least when the Texas legislature discussed this, they decided that three or fewer sex toys wouldn't constitute a felony. Three or fewer makes one an amateur, evidently, while four makes one a pro.<g>

I don't know if they ever passed it or not, though I'm guessing not.

From M2 to D

Is there anything about using them all together or is it one at a time?

 From D to M2

To the best of my knowledge, just owning them was in question, not how they were used.

 From M2 to D

Go on - call a lawyer.

Can't wait to see the exhibits demonstrated.

----------------------------------------------

Ahhh....the good old days...  (A couple of you reading this journal may remember participating in this discussion!!!)

 

Quote of the Day

Procrastination is like masturbation. At first it feels good, but in the end you're only screwing yourself.

~Author Unknown

Picture of the Day

dust.jpg (29333 bytes)

This is the dirt that was hiding under the old carpet, after they tore it up off the stairs.

 

One Year Ago
The Magic of The Last Session

Two Years Ago
Time for an Upgrade


signmyblack.gif (1825 bytes)
Powered by SignMyGuestbook.com


funnycrap.jpg (4649 bytes)

TBVbanner.jpg (12102 bytes)
 

 ;scale.gif (2974 bytes)
Pounds Lost:  64.6
(this figure is updated on Tuesdays)

On the Odometer:  324.7
(Tomorrow--big bike ride with Haggie!)


Recipe Journal


<--previous | next-->

Journal home | bio | cast | archive | links | awards | Bev's Home Page

426

Created 7/13/02