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BUTT...BUTT...

23 January 2002

Thanks to Are We There Yet for letting me know about rumpology. P.T. Barnum must be chuckling in his grave since the rise of the Internet in offering millions of suckers worldwide access to scams like this one.

The deal is that you send a print of your backside to these folks and for a mere $100, they will send you a "reading" based on the "lines, crevices and folds of your fanny."

They say to use a photocopier or ink (they suggest washable is best. Thanks. It would be hard to explain my black backside to a gynecologist after using unwashable ink!).

I'm trying to imagine Dr. G coming into the office and finding me sitting on the photocopier. (Of course with the size of my backside, it would have to be a panorama print.)

With the butt print, you include your initials, the date of your birth, and "a check or postal money order for $100, or use your credit card and our shopping cart (coming soon) to place your order on-line. All shipping and handling charges are included." After they've finished your reading, they'll return the print, suitable for framing to give to friends and relatives, no doubt. The gift to give someone who has everything!

Can't you just see a bunch of guys in a fraternity somewhere coming up with this idea? "Let's see how many people we can get to send us $100 and pictures of their butt." Bart Simpson is alive and well!

To make it sound more legitimate, they've explained that "rumpology" was used in ancient India and Babylon. Oh those wacky Babylonians!

Your butt reading comes in a 30 page report. What could you possibly have to say about my butt that takes 30 pages? Even MY butt. Even if you examined it inch by inch (which could take a long time), I can't imagine finding 30 pages worth of information.

There are a few suspect things about this (no shit!). First of all it says that the report is 30 pages, but farther down it offers to sell you a butt-print-making kit (for only $49 -- with everything you need: paper, non-toxic ink, a 16oz. bottle of For Men Only lotion (for clean-up) and a return address sticker with postage."

Let's see. I'm going to spend $50 on paper, ink, lotion and an address sticker. I don't think so. And why is the lotion "For Men Only." Women don't get lotion? (Or are women less gullible and thus less likely to fall for this scam?)

If you buy the $49 kit, your Butt analysis is a 49 page report. Obviously you get what you pay for. No kit, only 30 pages of buttology.

I'm also not going to send money and a picture of my butt to anyone named Jacqueline Stallone.

The whole ludicrous project does give me an idea, though. Before and after butt pictures. I mean--why just go for before and after weight loss photos? Why not framed before and after butt prints? I'm not sure I have a wall wide enough for the before pictures, but I'll work on it. What a conversation piece! It would take care of my Christmas shopping for 2002. Framed prints to give my loved ones.

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Unfortunately, I thought of this too late. My butt is already at least 8 pounds lighter, according to my weigh-in today, so a true before and after picture is no longer possible. (I am hearing sighs of relief all over the globe).

Interesting WW meeting today. First of all, nice to see I'd lost an additional 4 lbs, and I suspect that since I was already on the diet for a week before joining WW, and knowing that I always lose a lot in the first two weeks, the actual weight loss may be closer to 12. But it really doesn't matter. I'm not in this for the weight loss. I'm in this for the lifestyle change.

However, with that, and given that I hate attention in public, I was still a bit hurt when they handed out silly stars to people who have lost 4 lbs, 4 lbs, and 8 lbs. It was just an oversight and though I was dreading the moment when they called me up to get my first star, when they didn't I was disappointed! (There's obviously no pleasing me!)

 

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Created 1/22/02