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21 February 2002

I'm getting worried about Africa. I'm sure it's a continent on the verge of financial ruin. I realize that it is a continent made up of many different countries, but several of the countries seem to be in deep doo-doo financially and I'm concerned about how it's going to affect the entire continent.

The reason I worry about African countries is that I seem to have become the confidante of several important people, or people connected to several important people. In my mail lately, I've been contacted by the following people:

  • Mr. John Lucas Oscar Jr, a Sierra Leonean, who is the son of the late Dr. Leonard Lucas
  • John Olu of Child Care Project in Cape Town, South Africa
  • Dr. Samarachi Uduak , former special adviser on petroleum matters to the late Head of State of Nigeria, Gen. Sani Abacha
  • Femi Bolade, chairman of the mines and power development committee overseeing the various contracts in the re-activitivation of electric power generation Nigeria and neighboring African countries namely, Benin Republic, Togo Democratic Republic and Cameroun under the national electric power authority (NEPA)
  • Ibraham Sankoh, confidant to the president of Sierra-Leone (Alh. Tejan Kabbah)
  • Frago Sahkoh, the junior brother to the Sierra-Leone rebel Leader.
  • Dr.Osi Ahmed, an accountant in the Ministry of Petroleum Resources (MPR) (he neglects to say of which country--but--call me psychic--I'm pretty sure this is another of those African countries).
  • Abdul-Kaleef Kasere, whose father, the late Serg Rashidi Kasere was a Bodyguard to the late President Laurent Desire Kabilia (Republic of Zaire, Congo).
  • Lussia Kobe, wife of late Gen. John Kobe former ECOMOG [West African peacekeeping force] commander who died in the Sierra Leone civil disturbance [War]
  • James Ouzome, solicitor for the wife of former chief security officer (cso) to the former Nigerian head of state Late Gen Sani Abacha
  • Paul Baba, Bank Manager of Orient Bank of Nigeria, Lagos Branch.
  • Col. Hassan Lumumba (Rtd) of the Democratic Republic of Congo and one of the close aides to the former President of the Democratic Republic of Congo Laurent Kabila
  • Dr,Willams Ogu, the Manager of the Treasury Department of Credit/Commerce head office in Lome-Togo.
  • Dr. Abdul Hassan (who does not give his qualifications; he just wants my help for his "partners.")
  • Phillip Onoja, the Financial Controller and Contract Award Committee Chairman in the National Electric Power Authority (NEPA) in Lagos, Nigeria.

I hope you're all impressed that I'm so important that these great people would deign contact me. Out of the blue. Heck, Temile even confides, "I got your contact address through a friend who works in the Cote d’Ivoire trade and tourism Chambers. here in Cote d’ivoire (IVORY COAST)." Imagine that. I'm famous in the Ivory Coast! Whoda thunk?

As I looked through the list, I wondered about Fago Sahkoh and Ibraham Sankoh and if perhaps they were brothers and if this was kind of a Civil War Blue/Grey thing, since one is connected to the Sierra Leone rebel leader and the other is confidante to the president. Do you suppose there is friction at family gatherings?

Likewise I wonder if Phillip Onoja and Feme Bolade know each other, since they both work for NEPA.

I'm really honored that all these wonderful people have chosen ME to share their wealth. Money! Jewels! Fame! Fortune! They can all be mine.

John Lucas Oscar has apparently discovered two boxes containing about $28.5million (twenty eight million five hundred thousand United States dollars) and a good quantity of diamond & gold. These he will share with me if I give him the name of my company, the name and account number of my bank, and my passport information. Gee. If only I owned my own company....

If I owned my own company, I could take the millions that John Lucas Oscar wants to share with me and turn the money over to John Olu, who is trying to feed and house 3 thousand "motherless and less privileged" children. He only asks that I send him money. Maybe since he has his own business, I should connect him with Oscar and see if they can work a deal.

Dr. Uduak wants to send me $12,500,000.00 (that's twelve million five hundred thousand dollars) in US currency for me to invest. It's a no-risk deal for me, he assures me, and I'm not sure why I don't take him up on it, except with my luck I'd put it in Enron and he'd be pissed. Besides, $12,500,000.00 cash is probably a pretty heavy package and I have a frail mail carrier. I don't want him to strain his back.

Femi Bolade has $31,560,000 for me to invest for him. I'm really honored to know he has such confidence in my stock brokering abilities, but I hate losing other people's money. I can't even gamble a roll of dimes without feeling guilty for losing it.

Ibraham Sankoh also has $12 million to invest. He wants me to be the overseer of the account and to help him and his family immigrate to this country.

But it must be more profitable to be a rebel than a leader, because his "brother" has $16 million to invest. Philip Onoja has +/- $36 million. Abdul Hassan has $30 million. Willliams Ogu has $15 million. Temile has $20 million.

...and so it continues. Is it any wonder that all of these African nations are collapsing when all of their ministers, confidantes, and rebels are sneaking millions of dollars out of the country to give to worthy recipients such as myself? That's another reason why I can't bring myself to help out. I would feel guilty if the countries themselves should collapse when I know that I've been a part in bankrupting them.

No...tempting and flattering as all these offers are, I must decline. With all of my transcription and cleaning speculums and keeping track of Weight Watchers points, I just don't have time to invest millions of dollars, or find a warehouse for diamonds and jewels.

But if any of you are interested, I'll be glad to forward this mail on to you.

C'mon--you know you want to do it.


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