the dress was a sack...
and it was too tight
...weight back again
and then some
resigned to being fat
the rest of my life
on the way down again
28 August 2002
Well, having lost 1.2 lbs today, I am now over 75 lbs lost (75.1, to be exact). I'm
inching up to equal the most weight I ever lost on a diet: 80 lbs. I expect to go past
The other night, when I was looking through old scrapbooks looking for pictures of long
lost (or misplaced) friends, I was, at the same time, reliving the ups and downs of my
weight history. I am the classic yoyo dieter and I'm hoping that this time I can finally
pick a weight and stay there.
I went on my first diet at age 10. Too many chocolate chip cookies snuck out of the old
pig-shaped cookie jar, too many servings of fried bread dough, too great an inability to
stay away from the treats. On that diet, they made me drink skim milk, which I gagged
down. My father was of the "richer is better" school and so we always had rich
milk, cream, etc. Going from that to skim milk was terrible. But a strange thing happened.
When I had lost the weight I needed to lose at that time and was able to drink whole milk
again, I didn't like it. I've drunk skim milk ever since (though I have lately allowed
myself 1% milk on cereal, so it has a bit more flavor to it, though it is still the same
point value as skim milk)--it was the only healthy thing I've done consistently throughout
By the time I graduated from grammar school, I was actually a "normal weight"
and pretty much remained that until I got pregnant the first time, though seeing the
numbers "150" on the scale made me feel fat. "Normal" people were
supposed to weigh 125, dontcha know? I don't know where I got that idea, but it didn't
take into account the fact that I was almost 5'8" tall. It also didn't help that
Walt, who is 5'6" only weighed 135 at the time (he's not much more than that now) and
during my only period of semi- anorexia, thought I looked terrific when I got down to 135
lbs myself. That didn't last. There was always the lure of bread and butter.
I gained a lot of weight with Jeri. I don't remember how much. But I remember having a
yelling match with one of the ob's a I saw. A guy I hadn't seen before (and refused to see
afterwards) who came into the exam room just long enough to tell me what a terrible person
I was for gaining so much weight. He refused to talk with me and the last sight I had of
him was his back walking away from me. I took down his name and through the rest of my
pregnancies refused to see that guy.
But the weight was a problem after she was born. Then I was strict about my diet during my
pregnancy with Ned, and actually weighed less than before I got pregnant when he was born.
Throughout the other pregnancies, the weight kept see-sawing around, mostly going up, bit
In 1985, I decided to Get Serious. This was going to be The Last Diet. I'd lose it all and
then be "normal" for the rest of my life. That's when I lost the 80 lbs. The
kids were so proud of me--I still have a poster in the kitchen that Tom gave me when he
became so excited about the success of my diet. My goal had been to lose 100 lbs, but when
I hit 80, I started backsliding and it began to creep up again. By the time Gilbert died
in 1986, I had put back 60 of the 80 lbs I'd lost.
After he died, I didn't care. I self-medicated with food and, over the next 10 years, I
must have gained at least 10 lbs a year, if not more. I had brief attempts to lose, but
the "diets" never lasted more than the first two or three weeks. There was a
brief period two years ago, when I first started this journal, when I managed to keep
going for a month or so, but I gradually gave that up as well.
So I'm leery about losing all of this weight. I know how easy it is to give it all up, how
quickly it all comes back, how hard it is to get back to diet mode. So while I celebrate
having reached 75 lbs (75.1--let's be precise!) today, it scares me because it's so easy
to become complacent.
I take it as a huge thing that I managed to go out to a roadhouse for Ned's birthday this
week and not only stick to my diet, but end up UNDER my point allottment for the day. I
think that's a first.
I've been on a constant diet for the last two decades.
I've lost a total of 789 pounds. By all accounts, I should be hanging from a charm
- Erma Bombeck
of the Day
Year Ago Sock It to Me But I am an eternal optimist. I truly believe there will still be
Social Security when I'm old enough to start collecting my $35 a month, I believe foods
eaten while standing really don't have any calories, I believe that eventually I will find
a way to reduce the amount of junk mail I receive, I believe that David Gerrold will some
day finish the Chtorr series, and I believe that some day I will find the mates to all
Two Years Ago Rockin' in the Bonus
Round He introduced the new song, The Closet, without comment, saying he
"didn't like to talk much." For some reason, this brought guffaws from the
audience. Imagine that.