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(an entry for the On Display Collab)

22 August 2002

I passed by the break room door and the box was just sitting there. A drug rep had been by earlier in the day and had brought them: a box of fresh, still warm donuts. My nemesis.

Drug rep days are always fun for the staff. They come to doctors' offices to push their particular brand of drugs..."use our birth control pill instead of their birth control pill." If they bring enough goodies for the staff, they figure the staff will put in a good word for them with the doctors, so they are always finding little gifts to schmooze with the hired help. The hired help loves this!

Donuts are definitely not on my diet. But the air was heavy with the mingled aroma of yeast and sugar and my mouth began to water.

One. I'll just have one. This time I'll be able to control it....

But which kind? There was a nice assortment. My hand generally gravitates toward the raised glazed kind. I gingerly touched one. It was soft and spongy. Just the way I liked it. I gave in and picked it up.

I started with a nibble, But then I was taking a big bite, and then quickly finishing off the donut. It wasn't as satisfying as I thought because this particular glaze was sweeter than I like. I washed the sticky stuff off my fingers and started back to my desk, but the box was just there with nobody around.

I reasoned that if I had a sugar donut (my other favorite), it would cut the sweet after taste of the glazed donut. And heck, I'd already had one. So I took a sugar donut and it disappeared as quickly as the glazed, granules of sugar now dotting the black of my shirt. Sugar crunched on the linoleum under my feet.

I'd now eaten two donuts and I felt very guilty. I shouldn't have done it. What a bad person I was. I deserved to be punished. Oh hell, let's have a chocolate donut too.

The chocolate melted over my fingers as I wolfed down the donut, barely tasting it. When it was gone, I realized that I hadn't liked it any way. And now my mouth was full of the taste of the chocolate that I didn't want. Naturally I should cleanse my palate with another sugar donut.

The enormity of how many donuts I'd eaten began to penetrate my brain, and I rearranged the remaining donuts in the box so it wouldn't look like so many were missing.

My fingers brushed against the plain old fashioned donut. This was the cake kind, not a raised donut. The crispy edges of the fried cake made my mouth water. Oh hell, I'd already had four donuts. My diet was shot for the day long ago. I might as well have another one too.

I nibbled around the edges, enjoying the crunch of the fat-loaded crust and then let the soft inside slowly dissolve in my mouth.

By now I felt like the biggest loser in the world. All of my good work, all of my good eating habits had been shot with one box of donuts. I'd lost all control and I'd eaten half a dozen of them.

As with alcohol--one donut was too many and a dozen wasn't enough. I wanted more. It was only the fear of being found out that prevented me from eating another three or four donuts.

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The foregoing is, unfortunately, a true story. Fortunately, it happened several years ago (and more than once). With luck, the next time I find myself in that sort of position, I'll be able to resist.

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Thank you for nominating my entry, Moving On for a DiaristNet award!

Quote of the Day

Sometimes there are no good choices, just less bad ones.


Picture of the Day

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this is the face of someone who
used to eat a lot of donuts.

One Year Ago
Oh Say, Can You See?
When I glanced at the paper, I could see that it was hopeless. There was absolutely no way I was going to be able to read that tiny print, and I reached for the magnifying glass.

Two Years Ago
Complaint Song
"Get outta here and find a REAL cause" another heckler shouted at us. What cause would they suggest? What’s more important than teaching children tolerance and respect?

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Created 8/19/02