Sykes Journal - November 30

Survivor Journals

Bob of If I Die Before I Wake has invited nine journallers to participate in a Cyber Survivor Adventure.

Every couple of weeks, the group will be issued a "challenge entry". The site will post a excerpt from the challenge entries, as well as the link to the complete entry found on the journaller's own journal site.

After the challenge entry is posted, the nine journallers will vote one of the writers off the site.

The "ousted" journaller will actually remain on the site, but rather than posting further challenge entries, they will act as a judge and commentator.

The first challenge entry has been issued, and can be found at the Survivor Journal website. The actual entries should be completed by
October 1, 2000.

Please take the time to visit, especially once the challenge entries are posted. There is a message board to post your thoughts/comments and also a instant poll where visitors can vote for who they would want to see kicked off the site.

The reasons behind Survivor Journals are simple.

1. To try something new.
2. Increase the interaction of the journal community.
3. The challenge.
4. Increased exposure to all journals involved.

So take a look around, explore all the journals involved.

If you would like to take part in Survivor Journals, Year Two, let Bob know!

The next Survivor Journal challenge is up. Bob’s getting entirely too good at this. Our challenge #4 reads:

We all wear them, just not for the same reasons. What are we hiding? What do we use to shield ourselves from those around us? CHALLENGE #4 What 3 masks do you wear most often? More importantly, why?

November 30, 2000

Jeeze, Bob, couldn’t you have chosen something easy--like eating rats or swallowing worms?

The whole subject is kind of a contradiction, isn’t it? If we lower our masks and admit to wearing them, we are no longer wearing them and we become vulnerable, don’t we? I get the mental image of a Russian babushka doll, the larger outside doll hiding a collection of successively smaller dolls until you get to the solid doll at the core. Am I that doll at the core, surrounded by protective layers or masks. Or is that painted doll at the core also hiding the real “me.”

There are obvious masks that I wear. Recently I put on the mask of a theatre critic. I’ve been known for many years in this town as a “theatre person” and people seem to value my opinion, so I was offered the job with the paper. For money, even. Big mask time! “Sure. I’d love to do it!” I said. I knew at the time that my frame of reference was limited but I figured I would learn as I went along, which I have been doing. I’ve asked other reviewers, I’ve looked at reviews on the web, and I’ve bumbled along. People tell me I’m doing a marvelous job, but I am all too aware that it’s a mask I’m hiding behind. I haven’t a clue what the hell I’m doing, or what I’m talking about most of the time.

There are two reviews I’ve written of which I am not only not proud, but downright embarrassed. But I’m too proud to admit that to the people who think I’m doing a good job, so I just smile and thank them for their support.

Another mask I wear is that of an outgoing, competent, social being. People who know me here, or read about me in the paper, or perhaps even read this journal get the impression that I’m involved in a lot of things, handing things well, enjoying a busy social life. In truth, my preference would be to sit at home quietly and not really interact all that much with other people. I realize this isn’t an ideal way to live, and that I live in a sociable community, so I put on the smile, participate on the committees, go to the parties, the concerts, etc. Often I’m the one who takes a long time in the bathroom because I just have to get away from the crowd. But when I emerge, it’s with the mask in place once again.

I wear a mask when I’m angry. I grew up in an angry household, with a rageaholic. I know the pain anger can cause. And so when I’m angry, I try to adopt a peaceful demeanor, a smile on my face, and saying little.

Of course the most important mask is one that I’m not going to reveal here. Otherwise, why would I be wearing it. Why would I hold on to it so carefully, savoring the protection that it offers if I’m just going to turn around and talk about it in my journal. But trust me--it’s the best of the lot!